Once upon a time, it took actual talent to become a celebrity in America. Whether you achieved fame in arts and letters,
athletics, or politics, it was necessary to have at least some modicum of skill. But now, thanks to cable television and the
Internet, there is an endless appetite for “content.”
Content is a 21st-century invention for programming that too often falls short of the label “art,” but is usually entertaining
nonetheless. For instance,
are television art; reality TV and game shows are content.
The Atlantic Monthly
are stellar examples of the art of magazine writing, while
This need for content has created an opportunity for a young, enterprising person who’s willing to do anything to be famous
but has no discernible skills. The tabloids abound with superstars who are “famous for being famous,” to crib the phrase most
commonly used for this phenomenon. Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Nicole Richie, and Lauren Conrad are just some of the
A-list names who enjoy the power and privilege of worldwide fame even though it is difficult to name a single project in
which they showed an inkling of aptitude. They cannot act or sing, nor are they renowned for outrageous acts of charity,
political courage, or even intelligence. They’re each adorable; but none is a great beauty on par with Halle Barry or Angelina
Jolie. What each has, it seems to me, is the ability to turn their personal lives into viral video. But before you come to the
conclusion that keeping the self-perpetuating fire of fame burning is, in itself, a skill, I promise you that it is not. Anybody
can do it. You just have to follow the seven tried and true steps to celebrity—no skills required.
1. Come from a wealthy family that spoils you rotten.
One of the tricks to fame is to have something that the viewing public covets—and who doesn’t want to be rich? But not Bill
Gates or Warren Buffett rich—they work too hard. I mean born-with-a-silver-spoon-in-your-mouth rich. You want to possess
the kind of privilege that convinces you from birth that you are something more special than the average middle-class person.
It’s very hard to fake a lifetime of never hearing the word “no”—it requires a lack of self-awareness and self-control that
most people are unable to muster up after the age of 3. So if you have any idea what a dollar is really worth, consider
becoming a pop star.
2. Conform to society’s standard of beauty.
Being famous for no reason except for the number of Facebook friends you have is a lot easier if you are a majority of the
following: skinny (thin or not-fat doesn’t count), blonde, well-endowed in either the breast or butt region, and always dressed
in the latest trends. Do not attempt to make fashion. Again, that is limited to those famous people with actual talent. Luckily,
the simple addition of a stylist and a plastic surgeon to your entourage will allow you to slavishly follow whatever look