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Sharon Whitson Whitson 1 Professor Brady English-1010-C01 24 March 2011 SMARTHINKING's E-structor Response Form (Your marked-up essay is below this form.) HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing SMARTHINKING's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper! Hello, Sharon! I’m Lori T., and I’m glad to work with you on content development as well as use of resources for your writing about global warming. *Strengths of the essay: I never think of natural events when I hear the term “global warming.” I’ve learned something new from you about this topic, and I’ll shift my perspective on it. Main Idea/Thesis: I wasn’t sure at first, but I think I see which sentence is your thesis statement, Sharon. Let’s look at it: Many people have heard the term global warming, but it is highly probable they are not educated on what causes it, how it affects the Earth, and what they can do to slow down the harmful effects it will have on future generations. This sentence does tell what your topic is: global warming. The reason I wasn’t sure this was your thesis statement is because it doesn’t say much about why you’re writing about global warming. Are you trying to move people to action about global warming? I’ll give you an example of a thesis statement about a different topic: Science has the ability to overcome food shortages around the world, and we cannot deny scientists the opportunity to achieve food for all. My topic is food shortages around the world. My purpose is to convince my readers that science can do something and we should allow scientists to do their work. If you were to revise your thesis statement to indicate your purpose in writing about global warming, then your audience would more likely invest its attention on what you have to say. *Sharon 3340242 has requested that you respond to the Content Development: Of course there are natural causes of global warming, even though I hadn’t thought of them much before. What I encourage you to do, Sharon, is tell us why we should know about them. Are you saying that global warming happens without mankind causing it? Is it natural to a certain extent, and mankind shouldn‘t make it worse? By telling us why we should know about natural causes of global warming, we’ll be more likely to act on that information. *Sharon 3340242 has requested that you respond to the Use of Resources: It looks like you’ve consulted two resources for this writing, Sharon, but I don’t see much reference to them in your text. You need to document any idea that is not your own. Do you need to insert more in-text citations? In fact, Sharon, it looks like you need to include more information with your parenthetical citations. Near the beginning of your essay, I see this: (145-148). I don’t know which resource that refers to. I bet you need to include a name. I must
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