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Markup1621791_834669

Markup1621791_834669 - 1 Connecting the Past Present and...

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Unformatted text preview: 1 Connecting the Past, Present, and Future **************************************************************************** SMARTHINKING's E-structor Response Form (Your marked-up essay is below this form.) HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing SMARTHINKING's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper! *Strengths of the essay: Hi Jerald, I’m Paul. You have some really nice descriptions of the things that you did in your past. Your descriptions are clear and interesting to read. Nicely done! Main Idea/Thesis: The most important thing to work on at this point is the thesis of your paper. Your paper tends to wander into discussions of other things in quite a few different places. I’m not sure exactly what you are supposed to do for this assignment, so I can’t give you any specific advice on what you should write about. You probably should eliminate things that aren’t about your own life, though, like your discussion of Native Americans and your discussion of Shakespeare. Instead, focus on your own self. Of course, talk with your instructor and review the assignment, though, so you can be sure that you are writing about what you should be discussing. Use of Resources: I agree with the other tutor because many of the quotes that you have aren’t necessary. If you’re writing about yourself you probably don’t need to include quotes from other people because in most cases they don’t relate to yourself. Of course, again be sure to ask your instructor, though, to be sure that you are following the assignment. *Jerald 1621791 has requested that you respond to the Grammar & Mechanics: One particularly noticeable thing that you have done is that you have capitalized quite a few words that shouldn’t be capitalized. For instance, in the sentence “Coming from different cultural backgrounds by being One of Six siblings” you capitalized “one” and “six” but they shouldn’t be capitalized. In other sentences you capitalized “high school” but it shouldn’t be capitalized unless it’s part of the name of a particular high school, as in “New York High School.” Be sure not to capitalize any word unless it’s the first word of a sentence or it’s a name of a person or thing. *Jerald 1621791 has requested that you respond to the Sentence Structure: Jerald, you have quite a few sentence fragments, particularly in the first paragraph of your paper. For Jerald, you have quite a few sentence fragments, particularly in the first paragraph of your paper....
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Markup1621791_834669 - 1 Connecting the Past Present and...

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