final assignment

final assignment - Of the five paragraphs, I randomly chose...

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Of the five paragraphs, I randomly chose the third and fifth. After reading and reviewing these two, I thought that the third paragraph was the most effective due to it’s informative material and good choice of words. Besides the poor use of punctuation, as there is a run-on sentence in need of some commas, there is a better use of words than there is in the fifth paragraph. Even with some of the poor structuring, it still sounds more professional than that of the fifth paragraph. It opens with a better topic sentence and is more enjoyable to read; has some rhythm and flows well. The sentence variety is repetitive and weak, however, using the word “individuals” to start four different sentences. In the fifth paragraph, the sentence variety is a little better, but it is lacking rhythm. It does not flow very well and almost sounds childish and ill-researched, as if the person who wrote it was in a hurry and didn’t give it much thought. REVIEW
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This note was uploaded on 08/12/2011 for the course FP 101 taught by Professor Unknown during the Spring '10 term at University of Phoenix.

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