8. Revising for Essentials - Coherence

8. Revising for Essentials - Coherence - Revising for...

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Unformatted text preview: Revising for Content and Revising for Content and Organization 1 Take a Drink from a Firehose Take 2 Strategies for Revising Strategies for Revising • Look at it from the readers point of view • Revise in multiple passes – #1 Content and Organization* – #2 Coherence – #3 Emphasis; Proofing† 3 Always Remember Never to Forget Always Remember Never to Forget • Who is my audience? • What is my purpose? 4 Strategies for Revising Strategies for Revising • Be aware of errors you often make – My bugbears: There & Their Beleive i/o Believe Claifornia i/o California Hisitroy i/o History Porduct i/o product Perfromance i/o performance Liek i/o like • (You can set Word to automatically change these misspellings) • • • • • • • • Read aloud • Ask someone to critique 5 Whenever I see a document Whenever that has uncorrected typos and other grammatical mistakes, I wonder whether the author is (a.) not very bright or (b.) sloppy. bright ­ GLENDA MOEHLENPAH ­ GLENDA MOEHLENPAH 6 Effective Sentences Effective • Precise, clear and concise • Review sentences for problems that Review obscure precision obscure • English: subject-verb-object – – – Doer of the action – subject Action – verb Thing acted on ­ object 7 Effective Sentences Effective Sentences Ambiguous – precision obscured: The command enables sending the entire The message again if an incomplete message transfer occurs. transfer Who is doing the sending? Better: This command enables you to send the entire message again if the message is incompletely transferred. 8 Effective Sentences Effective Sentences Ambiguous – precision obscured: Decisions on design and marketing Decisions strategy are made at the managerial level. strategy Clear: Managers make design and marketing Managers decisions. decisions. 9 Effective Sentences: Effective Sentences: Nominalizations Indicate the action of a sentence with a noun – “to perform an audit” instead of using the verb form of the noun – “to audit” – Grammatically OK – Makes sentence sluggish and fuzzy investigate The Legal Department will (conduct an investigation of) the charge 10 Purpose of the Paragraph To link, unify and highlight ideas so the reader can grasp them with a minimum of time and effort 11 11 Paragraphs • Function of a paragraph is to develop a single thought or idea within a larger piece of writing • When every sentence in the paragraph contributes to developing one central idea, the paragraph has unity. 12 12 A Sample of a Paragraph Needing Sample Work Work Probably the greatest advantage of Chicago as the location for our new distribution center is its excellent transportation facilities. The city is served by three major railroads. In fact, Chicago was at one time the hub of cross­country rail transportation. Chicago is also a major center of the trucking industry, and most of the nation’s large freight carriers have terminals there. We are concerned however, about the delivery problems that we’ve had with several truck carriers. We’ve had far fewer problems with air freight. Both domestic and international air cargo services are available at O’Hare International Airport. Finally, except in the winter months when the Great Lakes are frozen. Chicago is a seaport, accessible through the St. Lawrence Seaway. (118 words) 13 13 The Problem Areas Probably the greatest advantage of Chicago as the location for our new distribution center is its excellent transportation facilities. The city is served by three major railroads. In fact, Chicago was at one In time the hub of cross-country rail transportation. time Chicago is also a major center of the trucking industry, and most of the nation’s large freight carriers have terminals there. We are We concerned however, about the delivery problems that we’ve had with several truck carriers. We’ve had far fewer problems with air freight. Both domestic had and international air cargo services are available at O’Hare International Airport. Finally, except in the winter months when the Great Lakes are frozen. Chicago is a seaport, accessible through the St. Lawrence Seaway. 14 14 As Revised Probably the greatest advantage of Chicago as the location for our new distribution center is its excellent transportation facilities. The city is served by three major railroads. Chicago is also a major center of the trucking industry, and most of the nation’s large freight carriers have terminals there. Both domestic and international air cargo services are available at O’Hare International Airport. Finally, except in the winter months when the Great Lakes are frozen, Chicago is a seaport, accessible through the St. Lawrence Seaway. (82 words) 15 15 Use Topic Sentence to Build Unity • Use a topic sentence that clearly state the central idea in the paragraph • Best, but not required, to make the topic sentence the first sentence in the paragraph • Sometimes topic sentence is the concluding sentence to provide a forceful conclusion, but – it makes reading more difficult for your audience 16 16 Paragraph Length • New paragraph provides reader a physical break & signals • • • • new idea Long paragraphs intimidate the reader Short paragraphs make it difficult for the reader to build the logical relationships between ideas, and can sacrifice unity by breaking a single ideas into several subdivisions Length: about 100 words; 2­3 paragraphs per page. New paragraph whenever subject changes significantly. 17 17 Paragraph Coherence • Paragraph moves logically and smoothly from one sentence or idea to another 18 18 • Transition words help the reader – to move smoothly from one sentence to the next – to see logical relationships between sentences. – See Table 4­1 P.99 19 19 Transition between Sentences • To express – Result – Example – Comparison – Contrast • Use – Therefore, as a result, consequently, thus, hence – For example, for instance, specifically, as an illustration – Similarly, likewise – But, still, yet, however, nevertheless, on the other other hand hand 20 20 Paragraph length – Addition – Time – Sequence – Moreover, furthermore, also, too, besides, in addition – Now, later, meanwhile, since then, after that, before that time – First, second, third, then, next, finally 21 21 Some Techniques to Unify – Pronouns refer to the noun in the previous sentence and provide transition – Use repetition of key words and phrases to move the paragraph along. – Use the first sentence of the paragraph to summarize the preceding paragraph – Use a question at the end of one paragraph to lead into the answer at the beginning of the next paragraph 22 22 Creating Effective Paragraphs: A Summary • Unify the paragraph around a single central idea • Ensure that every sentence in the paragraph relates to the topic sentence • Arrange ideas ( and sentences) in a logical order • Use transitional words, phrases, and clauses so readers can follow the logic of you paragraph • Keep paragraphs the appropriate length – – Long enough to develop central ideas Short enough not to overwhelm the reader 23 23 Active and Passive Voice • A sentence is in active voice if the subject of the sentence acts • A sentence is passive if the subject is acted upon • Examples – The committee members were introduced by David Cohen (Passive) – David Cohen introduced the committee members (Active) 24 24 Active and Passive Voice • Use active voice to achieve emphasis. It allows the reader to move quickly from – – – actor (subject) to action performed (verb) to the receiver of the action (object) • Passive voice sentences – Tend to be longer – Often make the reader read to the end of the sentence to find out who performed the action • Maintain consistency of voice 25 25 Clarity • Clear writing is direct, precise and concise. • Outlining organizes your thought into a logical and coherent order. • Clear transitions contribute by providing a smooth flow from one topic • • • • to the next. Emphasis and subordination help sort out which ideas are important. Consistent point of view brings clarity. Switching from 1st to 3rd person creates fog. Use the “right” word, avoid jargon and cliché. Conciseness is achieved by ruthlessly revising. 26 26 Revising for Clarity Summary • Organize your writing logically • Use effective transitions between sentences, paragraphs, • • • • sections Be consistent in your point of view toward the topic Emphasize key ideas and subordinate ancillary ideas Emphasize key ideas and Choose precise language to ensure accuracy and to eliminate vagueness and ambiguity Strive for conciseness by eliminating words, phrases and sentences that are not necessary to your subject, purpose and audience 27 27 28 28 29 29 30 30 32 32 33 33 Accuracy and Completeness Accuracy and Completeness • Accuracy necessary for your credibility – Check for: • Misplaced decimal means thousands • Incorrect or imprecise instructions – Frustrating – May be dangerous – Lose confidence in your document • Figures of facts that don’t match chart or graph 34 Accuracy and Completeness Accuracy and Completeness • Insert any missing facts or ideas – Compare text to outline – Are any items in the outline missing from the draft? • Incorporate important new ideas • Consider new info from the point of view of – Audience – Purpose • If new info is not relevant to audience and purpose, don’t use 35 ...
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