COM 156- Revision Practice

COM 156- Revision Practice - Appendix C Andy Axia Students...

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Appendix C Andy Axia Student’s paper would need several revisions in order to achieve his goal of persuading his audience to view the movie “The Dark Knight.” The first revision I would make would be to add an appropriate amount of white space by using the recommended font size of 12 point size and double spacing sentences. This will make reading easier for the audience. The next revision I would make would be to his sentence structures. Many of the sentences are choppy and difficult to read. It becomes apparent that Andy paid little attention to grammar right away with his incorrect use of it’s. The third revision I would suggest is to organize his ideas so that his thoughts are more coherent and do not jump all over the place. I would also reorganize the position that his paragraphs come in so that they transition more readily into each other. I would also suggest that Andy removes his reference to Wikipedia as it is not a reliable source. Instead I would recommend that he finds a more reliable source to back up the statistics
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This note was uploaded on 09/04/2011 for the course COM156 156 taught by Professor Charpentier during the Spring '11 term at University of Phoenix.

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COM 156- Revision Practice - Appendix C Andy Axia Students...

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