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A Big Deal About Nothing

A Big Deal About Nothing - likes and the tag question...

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A Big Deal About Nothing “One of the maddening aspects of close relationships is finding yourself in fights over insignificant matters. One of the reasons of the reasons small matters take on big meaning is that the context of a close relationship makes all that is said wobble under the heavy under heavy weight of a frame that surrounds everything with a question.
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Mike & Ken Example of how an everyday conversation or question can be misconstrued due misunderstanding from both parties and end up in a fight - Started with Mike asking Ken what salad dressing to make Mike: What kind of salad dressing should I make? Ken: Oil and vinegar, what else? They misread each other’s frames; each stayed within his own frame; and both interpreted intentions in terms of the overriding frame, “Do you care about me?” - Mike heard Ken’s answer as a demand for the kind of dressing he
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Unformatted text preview: likes: and the tag question “what else?” seemed to have a metamessage, You’re a jerk for asking. You should have known.”-Ken, in response, didn’t understand Mike’s reaction and his reason for being upset, when he didn’t been any harm. Overall, Mike saw more evidence that ken was demanding and selfish and putting him down, and Ken saw more and more evidence that Mike was temperamental and hypersensitive Not Knowing • The feeling of not knowing what one has said to set things off is common-and-maddening. • The writer George Simenon wrote in his diary, “I don’t know what I said that sparker a crisis. Words are like drops of acid on a burn.” often, focusing on the words spoken precludes figuring out what sparked a crisis, because the culprits are not words but tone of voice, intonation and unstated implications and assumptions....
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