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Workshop response #3

Workshop response #3 - interesting for the reader Also you...

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Joe Wallace English 101 10/29/07 Professor Wilson Workshop Response Dear Candice, The first thing I would like to mention is that I liked the subject you chose to write your profile on. Not many people would think of Marilyn Monroe when thinking about this assignment, but you chose it and you made it work for you, which I thought was quite impressive. There are parts of your story that might be to much in detail about her life in general, but you do a nice job of tying it all in at the end. I think that your conclusion is the strongest part of your essay and if you can work on some of the other parts of the paper and eliminate some of the unnecessary details about her life, your paper will flow very nicely. You incorporated her early life struggles nicely and really make it
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Unformatted text preview: interesting for the reader. Also you used your title effectively by explaining it throughout the paper. You might try to leave out some of he facts about her previous marriages, but I like that you talked about her and Joe DiMaggio because that was such a big deal at the time and had such an effect on American culture that it fit into the idea of your essay perfectly. At times it is unclear how you are going to make a connection to a greater trend, issue, or problem, but I felt you did a nice job at the end bringing it all together and focusing it under one theme making it clear to the reader your intentions. Overall I felt you did an excellent job on your paper. Good Luck, Joe Wallace...
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