lab8bh - Byron Hussie English 104 Lab Eight Corrections...

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Byron Hussie English 104 Lab Eight Corrections within the text of the paper below will be parenthetically and in bold face. Omitted words will have strikes through them. The novel Third and Indiana is taken (takes) place in Philadelphia, which is known as the Badlands. The author of this novel is Steve Lopez. (This introduction is a bit short, and could potentially have been worked into the beginning of the subsequent paragraph. It also comes off a bit choppy, and really could be condensed into a single sentence.) In this novel Ofelia Santoro is Gabriel's mother. (The character Gabriel is introduced here as if the audience already knows who he is, which is confusing) He bought her a bike for her Birthday. Gabriel ran away from home. (The previous two sentences are somewhat baffling when paired together as such. The order in which they are written implies encourages the reader to find some correlation between the two events, but there doesn’t seem to be any.) So, his mother would dress in all black and take her bike out at night to look for her fourteen-year-old son. Ofelia became really good friends with a priest and he would walk the streets at night to help her look for her son. (Ending two sentences in a row with “her son” seems repetitive. One could be replaced with “Gabriel”.)
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This note was uploaded on 09/13/2011 for the course LEARNING L 110 taught by Professor Afrancis during the Spring '11 term at Community College of Philadelphia.

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lab8bh - Byron Hussie English 104 Lab Eight Corrections...

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