Inflated and Awkward Language

Inflated and Awkward Language - Enclosed is my résumé for...

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Exercise 1: Inflated and Awkward Language Rewrite these sentences in plain English. 1. These skills will aid me in performing the supervisor’s job. Revised: These skills will help me perform the supervisor’s job. 2. I would like to be able to prepare written material that will favourably affect my goal attainment. Revised: I would like to write in a way that will help me achieve my goals. 3. Our perusal of the records indicates that the downturn in the department’s efficiency was due to the continued utilization of antiquated equipment. Revised : Our review of the records indicates that the department’s efficiency decreased because of the old equipment used. 4. Enclosed is my résumé for your perusal. Revised:
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Unformatted text preview: Enclosed is my résumé for your review. 5. Pursuant to my final conversation with Mr. Ryan, I sought the aid of our lawyer. Revised: Following on my final conversation with Mr. Ryan, I asked our lawyer for help. 6. I am cognizant of the fact that you will be sending the parcel under separate cover. Revised : I know that you will be sending the parcel separately . 7. The remuneration for a full-time worker depends on the wage scale implemented by the employer. Revised : The pay for a full-time worker depends on the wage scale the employer uses. 8. As per your request, we will forward your comments to the employee. Revised : As you requested, we will send your comments to the employee....
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This note was uploaded on 09/20/2011 for the course COMM 2290 taught by Professor All during the Spring '11 term at Saint Mary's University Texas.

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