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Unformatted text preview: the outer world with its ever varied happenings, the other was the inner world of thoughts
and moods, deeply, fascinatingly interesting. It seemed to H. I. that there were "two I's, one of which sat just
over my head and looking down on the other I, watching its strivings, its emotions, its thoughts with a
detached and yet palpitating interest. When I watched the other boys at play I wondered whether they too had
this dual existence, whether they chewed the cud of life over and over again as I did."
Came puberty with the great sex passions. The vibrating life within him suddenly became tinged with new
interests. One day at a party a vixen of a girl threw herself boldly in his arms and tried to push him into a
chair. The bodily contact and the swift bodily reaction threw him into a panic, for the passion that was aroused
was so powerful that he seemed to himself stripped of all thought and reflection and impelled to actions
against which he rebelled. For he was fully acquainted, at second hand, with sex; he knew boys and girls who
had made excursions into its most intimate practices and despised them.
This episode gave his introspective trends a new direction. From now on sex was the theme his fancy
embroidered. Curiously enough, he became more austere than ever, shunned girls and especially the heroine
of his adventure, and even avoided the company of boys who spoke habitually and "vulgarly" of sex. His
mind built up sex phantasies, sex adventures in which he was the hero and in which girls he knew and those
he imagined were the heroines, but at the same time, standing aloof as it were, another part of him seemed to
watch his own reactions until "I nearly went crazy." He became obsessed by a feeling of unreality and adopted
a Berkleyan philosophy of idealism: nothing seemed to exist except his own consciousness, and that seemed
of doubtful existence. He took long walks by himself, read philosophy and science with avidity, yet turned by
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This note was uploaded on 09/26/2011 for the course PSYCHOLOGY 110 taught by Professor Kannan during the Spring '11 term at Anna University.
- Spring '11