Peer Correction for Daniel Suparman by Jung Won Lee

Peer Correction for Daniel Suparman by Jung Won Lee - story...

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Peer Correction for Daniel Suparman by Jung Won Lee Thesis While I see how the conflict about whether or not to get a tattoo relates to cultural difference, I am not really sure what the specific “lesson” is. If it is about you accepting who you are, I think you can make it a little clearer. Point of View First point of view works well. Selection of Events The selection of the tattoo parlor scene is good, but I think you need to write more about that specific scene. The second half of the story is not really about what happened at the tattoo parlor. I think professor wants us to focus on the scene more. Organization The organization is not strictly chronological, and it works well. But again, I think you should write more about the tattoo parlor scene and somehow incorporate the rest of the
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Unformatted text preview: story within that scene. Transitions Some transitions were used. The story was relatively easy to follow. Dialog Dialog was used. However, it did not come from the scene of your choice. I guess the dialog was appropriate for the purpose of your writing. I’m just worried that it seems to create another scene. Verbs I think you can use stronger verbs. I also saw shifts in past and present tenses. I think it would be better if you kept everything other than the last paragraph in past tense. Daniel, I saw some grammatical mistakes. I think you should focus more on the specific scene at the tattoo parlor. Good luck....
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This note was uploaded on 10/01/2011 for the course ENGLISH 01 taught by Professor Canada during the Spring '11 term at UCSB.

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Peer Correction for Daniel Suparman by Jung Won Lee - story...

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