01.Chapter03 - 第3章...

Info iconThis preview shows page 1. Sign up to view the full content.

View Full Document Right Arrow Icon
This is the end of the preview. Sign up to access the rest of the document.

Unformatted text preview: 第3章 如何设计最具特色的写作大纲 列大纲对您来说一定不是一个陌生的概念。我们从小学开始学习写作文时,就知道 一篇文章应该有 3 大部分:开篇、中间、结尾。开篇部分必须吸引读者,引出文章的主 题。中间部分要支持、强化文章的主题内容。结尾则要总结全文,重申中心思想。这 3 部分虽然作用不同,但必须紧密、有机地结合在一起。如何写出中心突出、前后连贯的 文章呢?最好的办法是在开始写正文之前,写一个简单明了的大纲,在大纲中一一列出 您准备写的内容,以及将如何安排这些内容。这样不仅可以帮助您理清头绪,还可以为 您减轻日后写作时由于目标不明确而带来的负担。在这一章中,我们总结了以下 4 种有 效的框架结构。 3.1 倒叙结构 一篇完整的自传应该既陈述过去,又展望未来。一般说来,我们可以采用两种结构 来达到这个平衡。 第一种是 FPPF Future→Present→Past→Future 结构) 第二种称为 PPF ( ; (Past→Present→Future)结构。我们将在这一小节讨论 FPPF,在第二小节讨论 PPF。 一般说来,当您对某个学术问题有独到的见解,或是对如何探讨研究这个课题有明 确的设想时,不妨开篇就谈谈对 Future 的展望以吸引读者的注意力。随后,为了让读者 信服您那伟大计划的可行性,需要拿出一系列事实来证明您的能力。很显然,您 Present 和 Past 的经历就是最好的证据。这些经历可以证明为什么您的观点、设想不是空谈,而 是建立在自己以往经验的基础上的。最后,为了前后呼应,在结尾处您可以再谈一下自 己对 Future 的信念。 现在让我们一起体会一下下面的这个例子。 范例 When a group of architecture students from Brazil, France, Spain, Turkey, Vietnam, and China 成功留学文书写作必备 won the first prize at the Workshops of Planning and Urban Design held at EEE city, Germany in summer 2001, I was among them. Beyond the joy and pride receiving this award, I cherish the memories of my international colleagues and our unforgettable days together where several languages mixed to exchange rich ideas, to have heated debates, and to often laugh out loud. The chemistry among us felt magical. Coming from different continents with different cultures, religions, and perceptions, and working toward a solution to help EEE identify its unique personality and future path, the six of us agreed to disagree and impressed the workshop committee with our final convincing proposal – reload. By reload, we proposed to take full advantage of EEE’s invaluable cultural and historical thickness while instilling new layers of contents to the city. Our design focused on enhancing traffic and vision connections, revitalizing public spaces, and improving the functional flexibility of different facilities, all to drive the maturity and development of EEE. Without each of us contributing his or her knowledge and experiences to the fullest, our success would have been impossible. The best of each individual was brought out. I treasure the confidence I gained and the lessons I learned through this experience; I cherish even more the inspirations that have grown in me ever since. After the workshop, I spent forty-five days traveling Europe, visiting countries whose great architecture had been familiar to me only through books. These great works finally stood in front of me in reality. Words can barely describe my exhilaration the moment I step on the stairs of Guggenheim Museum that Frank O. Gehry had built and so many great architects before me must have paused at. The titanium-covered curving and bending forms were like blooming wild flowers flying and dancing under the eternal golden sunshine. Inside the flowers, a world of extraordinary order, wondrous structures, and mysterious lights and shadows was hidden. No picture or word can do its beauty true justice. As an architect, I was stunned by its charm; when countless non-architect visitors took pictures and chatted with each other about other interests, my heart was filled with thrills. Gehry’s creativity has not only produced an architectural wonder but also brightened Bilbao’s cultural life and dim economy. Who can deny the power of great architecture? 点评 为了抓住读者的注意力, 文章开篇生动地讲述了申请人在德国获得建筑设计奖 的经历和感受。 为了表达申请人对亲眼目睹了以往只有在书本上才能看到的建筑的 兴奋,作者细致地描写了参观 Guggenheim Museum 的情景,很有感染力。 ·44· 第 1 部分 自 传 Whenever I see architecture that embraces human needs, I recognize the most important component that makes up a true piece of architecture; I understand better what it means to be a great architect. Almost every moment of my days in Europe and every angle of the views in my scope fascinated me. I was amazed at the distinctive design of the spectacular Blaak Cube Housing, the Kunsthal, and the Netherlands Architecture Institute. I was even more struck by their details.No matter how unparalleled the architecture was, all of these structures incorporated seemingly small yet admirable human- friendly designs, from handicap convenient elevators and path access, to pleasant resting areas. Considering my own design philosophy, I was delighted to realize that although I am only a junior architect now, I have always paid great attention to human needs in my design, from small projects such as designing chairs and street lights to bigger challenges such as regional urban planning. I feel fortunate to have learned the important principal of helping and respecting the needs of all human beings equally while working as a volunteer at local orphanages, schools for handicapped children, and senior care centers. Finally observing kindness ingrained in great architecture with my own eyes has further strengthened my belief and encouraged me to work even harder to plant human spirit into each of my designs. 点评 在这一段,作者从旅欧的感受很自然地过渡到自己的想法。提到自己通过对欧 式建筑的观察,更坚定了自己遵循和追求建筑要以人为本的逻辑思想和风格。 My consistent diligence has always ensured me top places in my class. I was ranked No.1 in my junior high school for three consecutive years. After being admitted to XXX High School, the best high school in OOO province, I steadily remained in the top 10 list among the 300 students. Following my passion, in 1996, majoring in Architecture, I entered the College of Architecture and Civil Engineering of TTT University, the best Department of one of China’s most prestigious universities. If I had not proved my competency by winning scholarships every academic year and maintaining a No.2 status in architectural design and English courses, I would not have gained the privilege to attend 1998’s UUU in Beijing as one of the limited student representatives. I also would not have been selected as one of the only two Chinese students participating in 2001’s Workshops of Planning and Urban Design held in EEE city, ·45· 成功留学文书写作必备 Germany. In June 2001, I graduated from TTT University with an excellent score on my thesis project. In my thesis, I made a comprehensive proposal to improve GGG city’s oldest yet liveliest business district, ZZZ. Through substantial field survey, careful investigation, resource collection, and data analysis, I derived a complete set of design plans. My plan not only proposed the urgency of protecting this region’s historical value in the short-term but also raised the importance of transforming traditional bamboo-structured houses into modern buildings to meet the long run demands of the Information Age. My proposal was later adopted as THE plan for ZZZ’s urban development plan. I started working at the OOO Province Architectural Design Institute after I graduated from college. So far, I have been involved with several projects, including the designs of hospitals, office buildings, commercial centers, and residential parks. Working in the real world has not only helped me learn valuable practical knowledge, but also made me realize today’s vast opportunities, as well as limitations, facing modern architects in China. 点评 谈过对未来的憧憬后,作者在上两段重点回顾了过去取得的成绩,和现在 正在为之奋斗的课题。 Joining the World Trade Organization has brought boundless possibilities to China, as well as Chinese architects. While it is critical we build functional new structures required by the ever increasing pace of society, we must preserve the traditions passed on to us from hundreds of previous generations. Every time I read a news article reporting that a poorly designed urban plan has caused the extinction of yet another historical structure, my heart aches. Then I remember the harmony I enjoyed walking down the streets in Germany, Italy, and France, tasting the brick and stone wearing history on one side and digesting the glass-and steel-fused future on the other. An astonishing balance was born from the contrast. The more I think about it, the more intrigued I am. The more intrigued I am, the clearer I see my desire. I long for opportunities that allow me to learn to balance history with reality; I long for opportunities that inspire me to dissect the eastern and western urban design philosophies and understand them. I long for a moment where my dream becomes a reality. ·46· 第 1 部分 自 传 点评 这一段里,作者结合中国国情,进一步畅谈对未来的设想。招生委员会评 委可以看出申请人是一个善于思考、有主见,而且很执着的人。 The graduate architecture program of your prominent university is where I am eager to devote my heart, time, and energy to in the next few years to obtain a Master Degree in Architecture. Besides an excellent academic record, I have also equipped myself with strong leadership abilities through taking part in various leadership positions. I was elected the Vice President of the Student Union at the College of Architecture and Civil Engineering. My passion for literature and arts led to many early mornings and late nights dedicated to the popular university journal “Architect”, where I served as the editor-in-chief. My love for sports has taught me that success and failure make life more interesting. I have full confidence that the professional knowledge and experiences I have accumulated through years of hard work, as well as my good nature and love for life, have prepared me well for facing new challenges and contributing myself to the success of your program. 点评 这一段简单介绍了自己参加过的课外活动,暗示自己是一个多才多艺的人。 提示招生委员会,申请人在本专业和其他方面的成绩将为学校带来新鲜的血液。 Although I had never dreamed that a love for painting would lead me to a wonderful career of architecture, I have often dreamed of using my pen to make this world a more beautiful place to live. Although I had never dreamed that helping people in need would one day inspire me to center urban planning on people, I have dreamed of using my heart to make this world a warmer place to live. Although I had never dreamed that I could visit Europe and win an International award one day, I have dreamed of making efforts to make this world a friendlier place to live. Life is filled with challenges and opportunities. I may not know which of my dreams will come true the next but I know that I am determined to reach my full potential to become the best person I can be, to make the world the greatest place we can imagine! ·47· 成功留学文书写作必备 点评 一面回顾过去取得的成绩,一面展望未来。这实在是一个具有巨大潜力的 申请人! 3.2 顺序结构 当申请人对自己过去取得的成就无限自豪, 但对未来并没有很明确的想法时, PPF 用 (Past, Present, Future) 这种结构比较合适。 申请人可以拿自己在 Past 和 Present 取得的辉 煌成绩来吸引读者的注意力,然后结合自己对领域的看法,展望未来。 阅读以下的范文,让我们来体会以下这种结构的流线。 范例 1 Ever since I learned to write, I have made notes in my precious journal titled “My Dreams”. From the smallest plans such as winning the regional grade school students’ painting competition to the most ambitious desires like becoming a professor or traveling the world, I have captured these achievements in my journal. While life is not always as simple as setting agendas and completing tasks, the idea of conceiving, believing, and achieving has inspired my passion toward my goals and driven me to work diligently to fulfill them. William E. Holler said, “What the future holds for us depends on what we hold for the future. Hard working todays make high-winning tomorrows.” I hold the same philosophy. A Solid Start Although my parents earned meager wages working as ordinary clerks, they have invested generously on my education since I was a child. I started to learn painting and piano at age 3. Unlike many of my childhood friends who resented their parents for forcing them to take extra classes, I was grateful for my parents’ confidence in me and was determined to make them proud. I enjoyed those classes and made the most use of them. As a result, many of my paintings and hand-crafted works have won top awards in local and school Arts and Culture ·48· 第 1 部分 自 传 Festivals over the years. In high school, I studied hard and was honored as the “Outstanding Student” for three consecutive years. In 1995, as I was graduating from high school, my excellent performance won me admission to the Department of Architecture at TTT University after being exempted from the National University Entrance Examination. Studying Architecture in China’s best Architecture program was a dream comes true for me. I totally immersed myself in the highly competitive and dynamic learning and researching environment and thirstily absorbed new knowledge. My eagerness to quickly learn and grasp new concepts led to many long hours of reading, actively attending seminars, and working on projects day and night. My hard work paid off. During the five years studying in TTT University, I won numerous scholarships including the University Top Scholarship. 点评 如这一节的小标题”A Solid Start” 所概括的, 这一部分重点叙述了申请人的 成长史的开端。 A Bloomed Passion My interest in Urban and Regional Planning started when I attended various national symposia, academic seminars, and international academic exchanges held regularly by the College of Architecture and Urban Planning. I became fascinated by the various issues discussed in these activities and was eager to know more. I took every possible chance to sit in Urban and Regional Planning classes. To keep myself informed of the latest Urban Planning research development in western countries, I frequently read journals like “Landscape Architecture” and “Journal of The American Planning Association”. To enlarge my scope and enhance my skills, I also actively participated in programs including internships, field-trips, part-time jobs, and social investigations. I decided to pursue Urban Planning as a lifelong career during my internship. In 1998, while working as an Intern in III Architecture and Design Institute, I got involved in the “ZZZ Province XX City’s New City Center Urban Planning Project”, my first professional Urban ·49· 成功留学文书写作必备 Planning project. In this project, I was responsible for conducting field investigations and generating regional situation analysis drawings. To deliver the best results, while doing fieldwork, I made careful observations and recorded every detail. The drawings I created reflected the detailed geographical, historical, and structural aspects of the small and mid-sized cities in this region; it also studied how these aspects have helped shape these regions’ characteristics. These drawings provided valuable information for our proposal to help achieve effective maintenance, protection, and development for cities in this region. This project was a huge success. Through this experience, I further expanded my knowledge in regulatory and overall planning. I came to fully understand the importance of meticulous research and gained a strong sense of cooperation. My performance won me high praises from my colleagues, advisor, and the management team in the Institute. I was honored with the title of “Excellent Intern”. I enjoyed every moment of my internship and recognized that my passion lies in Urban Planning. Successfully completing my first Urban Planning project independently not only encouraged my determination to study Urban Planning but also stimulated a stronger enthusiasm to devote myself to this area. 点评 这一段不仅讲述了申请人是如何对城市规划这一领域产生兴趣的,还提到 申请人在大学期间是如何争取一切可能的机会来学习这方面的知识和参加实践 的。详细描写的社会实践经历使这一段显得丰富充实。 An Exciting Discovery Since graduating from college, I have worked as a junior architect for SSS XXX Architecture and Design Consulting Company for two years. During these two years, I have completed many projects including the NNN City Southern Region Planning, MMM Business and Commercial Center Planning, and the PPP New Development Planning International Consulting Contest. My highly demanding job has allowed me to fully utilize my technical and interpersonal skills. I have dedicated tremendous efforts to my job. In turn, I achieved great confidence in my ability to excel in projects and exceed customers’ expectations. I have learned that accomp·50· 第 1 部分 自 传 lishment comes from believing in oneself, setting clear goals, and pursuing goals persistently. My company has close relationships with several foreign companies. Working with them, I have become aware of Urban Planning on an international scale. At the same time, I have realized the immaturity of China’s Urban Planning development. Working with JJJJ and other American companies on the PPP New Development Planning International Consulting Contest, I was deeply impressed by my American colleagues’ rigorous logical thinking, creative experimental spirit and professional expertise. I realize my American colleagues’ successes are deeply rooted in the unique, open culture in which they live. While extremely proud of my Chinese heritage, I am fascinated by Western thinking, research, and creative approaches to problem solving. For these reasons, I have decided to pursue a graduate degree from a prominent University in the U.S. 点评 因为申请人有两年的工作经验,因此在这一段中谈论自己在工作中所做的 贡献和学到的东西,对申请是很有帮助的。谈自己和美国公司的同事打交道时 所感受到的令人难忘的氛围,很好的解释了自己想到美国留学的理由。 An Ambitious Outlook China’s rapid economic development has created great opportunities to establish modern urban developments. Urban planners must fully understand the ever-changing society, new technology, and changes in people’s perceptions. On the other hand, urban planners also face challenges to preserve and protect the historical and cultural values of the existing structures while building new ones. All these require advanced Urban Planning theories and techniques that fit the rhythm of China’s economic development. I believe that pursuing a Ph.D. degree will not only fulfill my personal goals but also benefit the Chinese people. I plan to devote all my energy to obtain a Ph.D. degree in Urban Planning within 4 years. I plan to not only conduct research on current issues of Urban Planning but also study the social and political implications of Urban Planning. While studying toward my Ph.D., I would also like to explore areas such as Community and Economic Development. ·51· 成功留学文书写作必备 My ultimate goal is to become a university professor. By achieving this goal, I hope to combine my experience in China with the Western research methods and philosophy to broaden my horizon and become a leading person for China’s Urban Planning development in order to help policy makers and urban planners reach the best solutions. The University of XXX, prestigious for its work ethic and nurturing academic and research atmosphere, is a university I have long admired. The faculties in your Urban and Regional Planning program lead the research fronts in XXX, XXX, and XXX. Since I intend to conduct research in these areas, I consider your program an ideal place for me to conduct in-depth and meaningful work. 点评 这篇文章是典型的顺序式。在讲完自己过去和现在的经历后,作者在上面 三段叙述了自己构画的未来的蓝图对自己和祖国的意义。 A Determined Heart “We should try to make the life of others more meaningful and beautiful because of our existence,” Romen Roland once said. I wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment. I appreciate that my parents sacrificed many of their needs in order to provide me with abundant educational opportunities early in life. Their sacrifice has made my life more meaningful and beautiful. As an urban planner, and having witnessed China’s sensational and magnificent development over the past 20 years, I feel that only when I am using my knowledge and experience to contribute to China’s Urban Planning development and make other people’s lives more beautiful, will my life become truly meaningful. Like I always do, I will give all I have to succeed in your program. Like I always do, I will contribute all I have to make your program proud of me. 点评 这一段充分地表达了申请人对过去取得成绩的自豪,以及对未来面临的挑 战的乐观和自信。 ·52· 第 1 部分 自 传 以下这篇范文采用了类似的结构: 范例 2 I have immense love and admiration for my illiterate farmer parents. They don’t speak fancy words, yet they taught me to be humble, true, and kind to myself and other people; they do not make much money, yet they always made sure I had adequate money for tuition and books; they had great expectations for me, yet they never forced anything on me. I began to appreciate my parents’ unconditional love and sacrifice when I was just a little boy. Ever since I discovered that earning good grades made my parents happy, I have studied diligently at school to be the best student I can be. My childhood dream was simple and clear: to become a highly educated person. As I am writing this personal statement, I realize that, in some sense, I have already achieved my childhood goal. I will soon graduate from NNN University, one of China’ top universities known as the cradle of engineers, as an exceptional student honored with numerous awards. On the other hand, I realize that I am just getting closer to my goal. I still have lot to learn. For this reason, I am applying for the acceptance to your graduate program, a vital step in reaching my ultimate goal. I first became interested in electronics when I was in middle school and received a cassette player from my physics teacher on my fifteenth birthday. Curious about the circuit diagram printed on the cassette’s introduction booklet, I asked my teacher how it worked. Although he explained to me patiently, I could not quite grasp its wonder at the time but I was determined to do so. In high school, I read some illuminative books about electronics recommended by my physics teacher. In my spare time, I made electronics devices such as doorbells. When my experiments finally worked, I was fascinated. I found that being able to put what I have learned into practice is a great pleasure. Later, at our school’s Science and Technology Fair, my paper “A New Way to Measure Resistance” won the first prize. I performed excellently in the National University Entrance Examinations and without any hesitation I chose to study Electronics Engineering at NNN University. While studying at NNN, driven by my intense interest and clear goals, I have worked very hard and steadily remained in the top 5% of my class, with an overall GPA of 3.56 in the highly competitive Electronics Engineering Department, which is comprised of top students from all ·53· 成功留学文书写作必备 over China. I am particularly good at mathematics and physics. My excellent academic record has earned me many honors and scholarships. Eager to learn more than what is taught in class, I often read books and journals concerning the cutting-edge electronics technology in order to broaden my scope. I am also enthusiastic about the lectures given by prominent professors, from whom I can absorb innovative ideas. NNN places great emphasis on undergraduate students’ independent research ability. Under these circumstances, I have not only developed meticulous research habits but have also mastered scientific analytic methods. When still a junior student, I was selected to join the state laboratory of fine functional electronic materials and devices, led by a prestigious professor YYY, a member of the Chinese Academy of Sciences. There, I had the precious opportunity to work on characterization of semiconductors such as GBT. During my internship, I also obtained first-hand experiment experience from working in several large IC manufacture companies and institutions including National Research Institute of Electricity and Electronics. I feel that I have benefited greatly from these experiences. I not only work hard academically but also participate in various activities enthusiastically. I am the leader of NNN University’s Delegation, taking part in “Protecting the Wetlands Action”, a campaign launched and sponsored by World Fund for Nature (WFN) and reported by China Youth Daily. Our team’s innovative prospectus about investigating the living environment of Red Crowned Crane, a precious and endangered bird with only 3000 left on earth, in one of world’s biggest Red Crowned Crane’s gathering place Yancheng, Jiangsu province, earned us 5000 RMB worth of financial support given by WFN. Only nine other teams in China received this grant in 2001. Our month-long investigation proved to be a great success. I was also the Office Director of the Student Union. I once tactfully convinced the Ever Bright Bank to sponsor our National Day Party with the agreement to offer them the naming rights if they solved our financial problems. During my tenancy, I also managed and organized many instructive and popular activities such as Do It Yourself (DIY) and Voluntary Blood Donation. Due to my consistent hardworking attitude and conspicuous work achievement, I was awarded “Excellent Office Director of the Student’s Union”— an honor given to only a few students each year. All of these unique social experiences have greatly enhanced my leadership and communication abilities. ·54· 第 1 部分 自 传 In recognizing my outstanding academic record, excellent research ability and prominent performance in social work, my soon-to-be Alma Mater has offered me to exempt me from the entrance examination if I choose to enter graduate studies at this school, a privilege given to only top students. However, I turned down this offer because I long to study abroad. One reason is that, due to the low budget of Chinese education funds, some lab experiments in Chinese universities are so out-of-date that conducting certain demanding experiments is difficult or even impossible. Another reason is that I realize, frankly speaking, that China’s electronic industry is far behind the times. During my internship in GGG IC manufacturing company, whose calculate amplifier was the first in China and was used on China’s first man made Satellite OrientalRed, I found all so-called advanced equipment in their streamline are bought secondhand from American companies. To my astonishment, one of these “advanced” systems used to control the oxidation (a vital process in manufacturing IC) is still using 14-inch software that is too outdated to find on the market. Since America is in the leading position in electronic industry and education, it is an ideal place for me to take full advantage of my potential to grasp information that is at the forefront of technology. Furthermore, the culture in America is so diverse that I feel I will be able to acquire broader perspectives and more profound insights. My research interest is semiconductor device/physics, as well as Semiconductor Processing and Technology. In my mind, devices are the most basic components of circuits. To achieve a deeper understanding of devices is very helpful to the design and fabrication of IC. The success we had on diode and transistors is revolutionary in the history of electronics. I would also like to make great achievements on this field. Among hundreds of graduate schools in the United States, I consider your university the best and most suitable for me. Your department has up-to-date research facilities and impressive research funds, which shows your program’s leading position in the US. Under your esteemed faculty’s guidance, together with my solid academic background, I’ m sure my childhood dream will become a reality. After my graduation, I will devote myself to the development of China’s electronic industry. I not only want to be a man of success but also to be a man of value. ·55· 成功留学文书写作必备 3.3 因果结构 当某个人、某件事或是申请人的某种品格,是申请人选择某个专业、攻读某所大学、 选择某个发展方向的原因时,使用因果式结构非常有效。在这种模式中,申请人可以先 讲果,再讲因;也可以先讲因,再讲果。 先让我们一起观察下面的范文是如何运用因果结构的: 范例 1 Witnessing my Dad successfully fight to survive cancer, I learned to appreciate life and the opportunities it presents. I was in my first year of high school and could not have cared less about homework and exams. Spending most of my time hanging out with friends on the street, I seldom opened my books. It came as no surprise when I failed all courses except Chinese and English. I remember it was on the day I boasted about getting “A”s in these two courses without even trying that my Dad told me he had cancer. He was calm and serious. I was speechless, ashamed, and desperate. All my life, my Dad had spoiled me and built a secure home for our family. I never worried about anything. As my sad and panicked tears poured down my cheeks, my Dad said to me, “XXX, it is time that you grow up, be strong, and make good use of yourself.” Saying good-bye to my relaxed life style was not easy, but it became easier every time Dad recounted a story of my childhood when I visited him at the hospital. His favorite story was the fishing trip we took together when I was four. He recalled all my funny questions and the eccentric “suggestions” I gave on how to catch a big fish. “You were so curious and bright!” “I knew then you were a different child.” “Just be yourself, take your time, and you will catch up”, he said in a weak voice but with much confidence. I was so determined to prove Dad is right that I concentrated on my studies completely and rose to No.1 in my class the following semester. Dad likes to attribute his gradual recovery to my academic progress. Although I know his doctors and his optimistic attitude made the real difference, I am proud that he thinks that ·56· 第 1 部分 自 传 way and most of all, I feel so fortunate that my own personal “cancer” was also cured by this experience. The following year, I scored high in the most competitive National College Entrance Examination and got accepted to XXX University. I couldn’t stop my tears when I dashed to my Dad and broke the good news to him! In his firm warm arms, I vowed to myself that never again in my life would I waste time. I also vowed to treasure each opportunity trusted on me and give all I have to achieve my best! 点评 父亲得了癌症是一个残酷的现实。幸运的是,申请人却在这困难特殊的时 候迅速成长起来,由此因祸得福。因为受父亲的鼓励、信任,原来考试几乎门 门不及格的年轻人,奋起直追,最终以高分考上了大学。这三段不仅显示了申 请人的潜力,还暗示了申请人是一个能从逆境中站起来的人。 During the four years in college, majoring in Corrosion and Protection of Metals in the Mechanical Department, I consistently worked hard and achieved great academic success. Applying the theoretical knowledge I learned from the various courses I had taken, I successfully completed my thesis research XXX successfully in 6 months. Besides maintaining good academic standing, I also participated in many social activities. I was one of the founding organizers of the Student Union and organized many large-scale parties and activities. Due to my presentation and leadership in the Community Volunteers’ Association, I was awarded the “Honor Citizenship” by the local government. I was indeed proud when my advisor made the remark at the graduation ceremony that he was proud to have worked with a diligent, responsible, charming, and influential student like me. After graduation, I worked in SSS at the Painting Department of JJJ Ship Manufacture Co., Ltd, the major ship manufacturer in China. During this period, I had a chance to apply my knowledge learned from the university. In three years, I worked very hard and completed two research projects perfectly. “Her passion for the job is incredible. She puts all her heart and energy into the job and can’t bear any mistakes,” my colleague would say when introducing me. In the three years that I have worked for this company, I have kept careful and responsible ·57· 成功留学文书写作必备 habits while painting the surfaces of ships. Generally, it is not considered suitable for women to work at the worksite and I am the only female in my painting department. However, to gain important information, I went to the worksite by myself. During my second year at the company, I began to design the painting technology and process and I was put in charge of painting two self-unloading ten-thousand-ton ships coded AAAA and BBBB when they were first made by my company. Despite the construction complexities and execution difficulties, I worked out an effective painting process after I analyzing the blueprints and making process recommendations to the experienced engineers. This painting process set an example for the later work that was similar in nature. I have also served as an assistant to our principal engineer who studied the painting on oil tankers that work under special circumstances such as icy conditions. 点评 这一段讲述了从上大学到工作后,申请人取得的好成绩。 As my work and research becomes more complicated, I am finding that my knowledge is very limited. For example, while the clean-up of rust is the most tiring and dirty process, it is necessary to guarantee the painting quality. Until now, no effective and economical technology has been introduced to improve this process. Does the kind of paint exist that does not demand a clean surface? Dirt-proof paint is harmful to marine organisms and pollutes the sea. Is there a kind of paint that does not pollute the sea? In addition, how to improve the cohesion of the paint layers; how to improve the corrosion resistance, durability and shock resistance of paint film; how to improve the corrosion resistance of the material in order to reduce the large quantity of paint used in painting? All these questions drive me to enrich myself and do more research in order to find answers. I successfully passed the GRE and TOEFL in spite of my busy schedule and have decided to apply to study for a Master’s Degree in Chemical Engineering in your engineering school. My major interests in the future reside in the following areas: the properties of new materials, corrosion and protection of materials, and environmentally friendly chemical technology. If you feel that any other areas are more suitable for me, your comments and suggestions will be ·58· 第 1 部分 自 传 highly appreciated. I am attracted to the history and reputation of your graduate engineering school and look forward to studying under the prominent professors in your program while using the advanced facilities in your department to conduct worthy research on ship surface painting. After gaining substantial experience, I plan to return to China in order to devote myself to the promotion of the development of chemical technology in China. 点评 这一段重点讲述正是申请人在工作过程中遇到的问题触发了她想要继续深 造的愿望。申请人还指出,由于这一原因,学业完成后,申请人将会回到祖国, 为中国化工业的发展做出贡献。 下文也采用了类似的结构: 范例 2 My interest in Biomedical Engineering was inspired by many amazing discussions between my parents at home. Mom, a doctor practicing Chinese medicine, believed that human proficiency is the most important factor when treating a patient. Dad, an electrical engineer, held the view that advanced technology is more critical. I remember many times when their debates heated and I would say, “Come on, why can’t we have something that combines the strengths of both aspects?” I said it so often that I became a believer of integrating traditional medical practice into efficient engineering techniques. In fact, I was so eager to explore this field that I chose to major in Biomedical Engineering when I entered SSS University in 1995 after earning an excellent score in the National University Entrance Examination. Seven years have passed and I have since graduated from college with honors, earned a Master degree from China’s most prestigious biomedical engineering research center, AAA of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, and am now working as a research staff in ZZZ Bio-Medical Electronics Co., Ltd. With a solid background in biomedical ultrasound, biomedical signal processing and speech signal processing and with an eagerness to learn more, I have decided to pursue a Ph.D. degree in your acclaimed program. During my undergraduate study in SSS University, one of China’s top Science and Engineering ·59· 成功留学文书写作必备 universities, I devoted most of my time to my major course of study and enjoyed a great sense of fulfillment after the successful completion of each course and project. I was ranked No.2 in the 30-student class and maintained an overall GPA of 3.50 and concentration GPA of 3.8, despite the strict grading system and keen competition. I won the "Excellence Scholarship" for four consecutive years and was honored with the title “The Outstanding Student” and “The Excellent Student”. My first exposure to Ultrasound Signaling Processing started when I joined the Biomedical Ultrasound Instrumentation Laboratory during my senior year. I was fortunate to study under Professor FFF, the Chair of the High-Intensity Focused Ultrasound(HIFU)program. Studying the applicability of HIFU, we found that no abnormal change was detected in the inferior veins of swine which had been insonated in HIFU. This experiment confirmed the safety of HIFU, especially to large blood vessels. I extended this research to my undergraduate thesis: HIFU System Software Programming. In this research, I not only developed a Graphic User Interface using Delphi 5 but also created image processing algorithms and conducted simulation tests. In order to enhance the clinical tumor recognition capability, I applied different image processing algorithms, including histogram equalization, gray transformation, Edge Enhancement, and image segment to the HIFU B-Ultra. My painstaking efforts paid off and I received positive comments on my work from the doctors. My excellent academic and research performance earned me the opportunity to conduct research in Ultrasound Signaling Processing as a graduate student in the Institute of Acoustics, part of the prominent Chinese Academy of Sciences. In my first year there, I participated in a joint project between my lab and PPP Delicate Electronics Co. Ltd. Our group was responsible for designing the Multi-channel Transcranial Doppler (TCD) algorithm and conducting simulation. My focus was on Doppler signal processing. In order to accurately interpret the information in Doppler signal, I read a variety of papers about haemodynamics, physics of ultrasound propagation, ultrasonic fields and the Doppler power spectrum. Enlightened by these readings, I divided my project into several components: (1)Cascaded Integrator-Comb (CIC) filter used to reduce sampling rate; 2) ( phase-shifting filter (101-order Hilbert filter) used to extract forward and reverse sound components;(3)wall filter(6-order IIR filter); (4)base-line adjustment of sonogram;(5)envelope extraction of sonogram(Modified Geometric Method);(6)characteristics extraction of Doppler signals, including the zero-pole ·60· 第 1 部分 自 传 model method and the Teager energy method. This research introduced great clarity and efficiency into my project. I worked days and nights and, in the end, successfully completed the project in spite of many difficulties I had encountered during the process. I produced a 100-page algorithm report that described my design and findings in great detail. Based on this research, I later published a paper XXXX on the Technical Acoustics. I am most proud of the fact that my algorithm design has been adopted on the successful product EMS-9A TCD. The second project I engaged in during my graduate study brought me even more satisfaction. Using a text-dependent speaker recognition system I had developed, the XXX Police Department was able to pick out a kidnapper from a line of suspects and solve a seemingly difficult case. This text-dependent speaker recognition system was funded by the National High-tech Plan and is based on the Hidden Markov Model using Mel Frequency Cepstrum Coefficients (MFCC) and ∆MFCC as feature vectors. This system, which is implemented on a PC with Visual C++, achieves high recognition accuracy. Audio Engineering accepted my paper, XXXXX, which summarizes this project. After finishing graduate school, I joined ZZZ Bio-Medical Electronics Co., Ltd. to apply my theoretical knowledge to real life and to explore new horizons. I was responsible for the research and development of the Frequency Doppler Module, a part of DP9900: the Digital Ultrasonic Diagnostic Imaging System (B TYPE). Thanks to my solid signal processing and ultrasound background, I finished the algorithm simulation and hardware design before the deadline. During the test, doctors were impressed with the great performance of the module. Technically, I was more ambitious, contemplating further improvement of the product. I used FFT as the spectral estimation method. The limitations of the periodogram approach have driven me to search for alternative methods. Currently, I am testing the feasibility of using AR model because AR model has many advantages over FFT such as accurate estimation of frequency from a much shorter segment of data. I have made great progress in hardware design during this process. I studied B-ultra thoroughly and consequentially I am able to understand the application of FPGA (ALTERA), embedded CPU (Motorola MCF5206) and digital signal processors (TI TMS320C6711). Furthermore, I have conducted experiments for Dr.xxx’s paper: “Evaluation of Right Ventricular Systolic and Diastolic Function with Tricuspid Annular Doppler Spectrum”. ·61· 成功留学文书写作必备 Having accumulated a wealth of valuable theoretical knowledge and practical experience, I firmly believe that biomedical ultrasound and signal processing are fields worthy of my life-long dedication. Now I am enjoying every minute of my research and looking forward to going deeper and further. With its pioneering faculties, variety of advanced courses, and state-of–the–art facilities, your renowned Biomedical Engineering program, will certainly facilitate my achievement of remarkable academic progress and fulfill my aspiration to become an excellent BME research scientist. Malcolm Forbes said, “It is great to arrive, but the trip’s most always most of the fun.” I am truly ready for the trip to come! 3.4 主次结构 写自传不是写侦探小说,最重要的内容务必要放在最前面,否则一旦招生委员会在 某个环节失去了兴趣,很可能就此打住,不会再往下读了。如果您是诺贝尔奖获得者, 就应该把获得这一荣誉的经历谦逊而又如实地放在第一句。当然,您若真是诺贝尔奖获 得者,多半需要写自传的是学校,而不是您自己。 先体会以下的范文是如何做到重要内容快速到位的: 范例 1 Only one out of twenty young people have the opportunity to receive higher education in China. I am fortunate to have obtained a Bachelor’s Degree in Computer Science from one of the most prestigious universities in China, UUU University of Science and Technology, in 2000 and have been studying toward a Master’s Degree since then. My current research focus is on Computer Applications on the Internet, specifically Virtual Experiment Platform for Distance Education. This project is sponsored by the National Invention Foundation and was initiated to help move China from elite education to mass education through the means of distance learning. The significance of this research and its implications in China have not only driven me to work diligently to find the best solution but also strengthened my interests in applying computer ·62· 第 1 部分 自 传 networking technology to distance education applications. I believe pursuing a Ph.D. in this field will help increase my knowledge and experience to eventually derive the best feasible distance education solutions for millions of intelligent young Chinese people who do not currently have an opportunity to attend college. 点评 此文开篇干净,利落。第 3 句话就提到了自己正在攻读计算机专业的硕士 学位。作者随后介绍了自己的科研课题——远程教育模拟实验平台。为了证明 这一课题的重要性,作者提到这个项目是由国家发明基金会为了推进中国的教 育改革,扩展受教育的群体而赞助的。美国人是很看中能拿到基金的人的。这 个成功的开头令招生委员会的成员很快就会对这位申请人刮目相看。 The majority of today’s distance education applications, including those that provide Virtual Experiment Platforms, are web-based. Although these applications are user-friendly, their data usually is too simplistic. To build a virtual learning environment that truly mirrors real life experience, an advanced approach is necessary. Together with several other graduate students in the Computer Science Department at UUU University, I have developed an advanced integrated Virtual Experiment Platform. This platform is based on client/server architecture and uses TCP SOCKETS, which is mainly implemented in C++ to deliver an almost real life lab experience for distant users. The central Virtual Experiment managing and processing server, the remote systems, and the Internet comprise an effective system that allows lab managers to prepare for experiments, students to set up tests, and teachers to instruct operations at anytime from anywhere. Compared to most applications that store experiment processes on the server, this new architecture levitates the server data processing load and reduces the intensity of the internal data flow. This has lowered the bandwidth requirement thus making it attractive to large-scale universities that have not yet acquired sufficient bandwidth. The development of this project has required sound knowledge in C++, Computer Networking, and Database. I devoted many long hours in the library and lab to the development process in order to finally complete this project successfully. Based on my research findings, I have published two papers in the UUU University of Science and Technology Academic Journal. Both of these articles, “Study on Virtual Experiment Platform for Distance Education” and ·63· 成功留学文书写作必备 “Role-based Access Control in the WWW environment,” have received positive feedback from many students and faculty. Currently, this platform has been implemented on a small-scale and performs well. By the end of 2002, the Computer Networking College of CCC University will deploy this platform and offer distance education to its students. 点评 在这一段里,作者不仅详尽地介绍了他设计的远程教育模拟实验平台的原 理和性能,还描述了在研究过程中用到的知识、技能。随后告诉读者,他设计 的这套系统在 2002 年底被 CCC 大学正式启用。而且,作者根据自己的研究成 果发表了两篇论文。这一段的描写具体细致,更加证实了申请人在计算机远程 教育方面的造诣。 As more and more universities in China are considering the implementation of the Virtual Experiment Platforms, I feel a strong sense of pride and an even stronger sense of responsibility. There is a huge population in China eager to receive higher education. However, due to limited resources, not every hardworking and intelligent person gets the chance. More advanced technology and wider adoption of distance education applications will certainly help provide these people with a new channel to obtain knowledge. To better serve people by learning the most advanced knowledge in this field, I have decided to study in the Ph.D. program at your university after receiving my Master’s Degree next summer. I believe I am well prepared for the new challenge. I have built a solid knowledge base in Database Structure, Database Systems, Computer Networks as well as various programming languages including Pascal, C, C++, and Assemble Language. As my interests growing stronger, I worked harder. My academic performance improved dramatically during my undergraduate years, as was demonstrated by my move from being ranked 10th to being ranked as the top student in my class. I was awarded Excellent Academic Performance Scholarship numerous times. Not content with on-campus experience, in the summer of my junior year, I worked as an intern at the 968 Information Center of WWW Telecommunication Bureau. There I conducted a series of statistical analysis on the Center’s daily information flow using POWER BUILDER and generated daily reports. While working there, I also designed a lottery program on SYBASE that, for marketing purposes, selects winning customers based on their phone ·64· 第 1 部分 自 传 numbers. My undergraduate thesis was titled, “Design of the IC Card Reader/Writer.” Using PROTEL, the electronic circuit design software, I designed a circuit board and then based on the circuit diagram, I made the circuit board. This design allows information to be displayed either on the LED on the circuit board or on the computer monitor. While I have accumulated solid knowledge in software developing through taking courses and working as an intern, I reached a better understanding of computer hardware and electronic technology while working on my thesis. While in graduate school, besides spending plenty of time on my research, I have taken many courses including Process Technology for Computer Graphics, Image Process and Analysis, Advance Computer Networking, Design and Implementation of Database Systems, Object Oriented Method, Interface between User and Computer Virtual Environment. Whether it is working as an intern or doing research at graduate school, I have benefited greatly from my studies. I am confident that all these experiences will be the cornerstone of my Ph.D. study in the near future. 点评 作者强调突出自己在远程教育模拟实验平台这一学科所做出的成绩后,在 这一段里着重描写了自己在计算机学科的广度,显示出申请人对知识的强烈渴 和非凡的学习能力。 Although I have accomplished some achievements, my successes do not always come easily. I specifically remember some difficult days in high school. I had made up my mind to study Computer Science at UUU University even before entering high school. However, our school notorious for its high failure rate on the college entrance examination. The chance of being admitted to UUU University of Science and Technology was next to zero. I did not let this dissuade me from trying. I was so determined to pass this exam that I consistently gave myself extra homework and eventually reached my goal. I did not give up on my CET6 either. Although I did not pass at the first attempt, I worked harder on the weaker aspects of my test and passed it on the second try. William M. Jeffers said, “For the industrious, thinking, right-living young man the future holds ·65· 成功留学文书写作必备 as many rewards as any period in our nation’s history.” I am looking forward to studying in your prominent Ph.D. program, where I will devote myself to the continuous development of advanced distance education applications in order to help brighten the futures of all those who are thirsty for knowledge. 点评 文章结尾和开篇呼应,再次表达了自己要攻读 Ph.D.,投身于计算机网络化 的发展中,为那些渴望知识,但却没有机会上大学的人们照亮前程的远大志向。 下文也采用了类似的结构: 范例 2 In the year 2001, I received the honorable title, LLL Company Global Science Scholar, and was invited to visit the LLL Company’s headquarter in New York. My trip made me to aware of the vast distance between the scientists working there and myself. It also encouraged me to pursue a further study to earn a Ph.D. degree in research of computer technology. Strong Background Established It was 15 years ago, when I was just seven years old that I received my very first computer, a primitive version that provided very limited functionality, with BASIC the only available programming language. As soon as I got to know what BASIC could do, I became deeply absorbed in it. Before I was granted a waiver of College Entrance Examinations and admitted directly into the Class of Gifted Students at TTT University, I had mastered programming languages such as BASIC, PASCAL, C, HTML, SQL etc. and established my first personal website, distinguishing me from my fellow students. Without hesitation I chose Computer Science as my college major. Owing to my proficiency and experience in programming and website design, Dr. MMM selected me as her teaching assistant when I was just a freshman. I aided in the writing of her book about HTML by giving her some examples and ideas of specific skills in web page design. Prof. MMM also gave me a chance to deliver a brief presentation to sophomores about ·66· 第 1 部分 自 传 introductory programming in HTML, an experience which proved to be very successful. It was the first time that a freshman had given a speech to sophomores in the history of TTT University. I was also the youngest teaching assistant on campus. As a freshman, I mastered all the fundamental courses such as Advanced Mathematics, Linear Algebra, Advanced Physics and C++ language. Besides studying hard in the classroom, I also paid attention to my all-round personal development by learning tai chi and to play the Chinese bamboo flute and by joining other extracurricular activities. Top Award Honored as a Lucent Global Science Scholar The LLL Company Global Science Scholar (LCGSS) Award is one of the highest honors that a Chinese college student can ever get. In 2001, there were only 108 students around the world that were granted this award, 50 of whom were from the U.S., the other 58 from 21other countries including 5 undergraduate students from China, a country with a total of more than 10,000,000 students studying in higher institutes each year. After chains of tests, I was among the last candidates competing for the five awards, with the final decision made by the China Scholarship Council (CSC) and International Institute of Education (IIE). Thanks to my strong background knowledge of Computer Science and the excellent English proficiency, I delivered an exceptional speech about the Future of the IT Industry. A burst of applause from the judges at the end of my speech declared my final success. I was offered a $5000 scholarship, the largest scholarship a college student is eligible to receive from a single award in China. Additionally, I was invited to the United States for a visit and to participate in a contest designed for the 108 LCGSSs. After sightseeing for three days in New York City, I visited LLL Company’s headquarters in Corning, New York. Although the buildings of LLL were not as mysterious as I had thought, the advanced devices and the excellent scientists very much impressed me. The speech given by the scientists gave me a clear picture of the frontline research in the IT industry. The face-to-face talk with Dr. RRR on how to find one’s own style in doing research also inspired me. The most challenging task was the contest. All 108 students were divided into four groups and ·67· 成功留学文书写作必备 each group was asked to design a “killer app” to compete for the main IT product in 2008. My design, “ES2”, a PDA-like PC with a foldable touch screen, was finally selected as the “killer app” of my group. I was also elected to be the president of the group presentation. I divided the whole job into different parts, with every member having a part to fulfill. We also prepared a short video to demonstrate the advantages of our product. With all the effort my team made, we created a perfect presentation. With the declaration from the president of LLL Company that my team had won the contest, we were so exhilarated that all members jumped up and hugged each other. That moment was so moving that it is deeply embedded in my memory as if it happened yesterday. During my visit in the U.S., I introduced the Chinese Bamboo flute to my foreign friends and showed them how to play tai chi, the essence of Chinese Kungfu, since I thought it was such a good opportunity share our different cultures and to further our mutual understanding. Much Research Experience and Great Research Abilities Armed with sound training in basic theories and applied technologies, I have put them into practice by participating in on-campus activities and summer internships. As the president of the Microsoft Club, I designed a user-friendly database for record keeping. I also created and maintained the club’s website. Through these projects, I was able to hone my programming skills in HTML, Java, and JavaScript in order to improve our web pages. During my first summer internship, I designed and implemented a relational media management database for Mingtai Corporation, a database consulting company based in SSS, using PowerBuilder and Oracle, The following summer, I developed an online shopping cart application in ASP and JavaScript for Xinfangte Corporation, the largest company for selling digital products in SSS. In addition to the advanced techniques in problem solving, innovative scheming and efficient programming, I learned how to provide services in the easiest ways to meet the foremost needs of customers. These experiences deepened my understanding of the IT field and further strengthened my goal of becoming a successful IT professional. During my junior year, Prof. NNN took me into his research group as a research assistant to work with his graduate students. I worked on a project that required overall planning and detailed implementation. The goal was to implement the students’ grade database with secure ·68· 第 1 部分 自 传 remote access for off-campus students. At first, I was overwhelmed by the large amount of information required for the technology of secure remote access. However, after I finished reading several books on this field and investigated the feasibility of several technologies in this project, I was able to complete a detailed assessment of the requirements under the guidance of Prof. NNN. The best solution was the Virtual Private Network, which could meet all requirements. After a year of research with Prof. NNN, I developed the ability to administer, manage and troubleshoot both physical and operational aspects of the networks. The experience of designing, implementing, testing, and evaluating a project greatly enhanced my programming abilities, especially in the initial design phase. Prospects at YYY University After carefully reading the overall introduction of your program from the Internet, I found that my research interests in Networking Design and Optimization are similar to the research interests of some professors in your department. Many courses in your program such as “PPP” and “QQQ” fascinate me very much. Nothing has proven more challenging and intriguing to me than in-depth research in the AAA Research Group since their areas of research so closely match mine. With my rich experience in R&D and advanced training in your program, I am confident that I will be able to take great strides toward fulfilling my professional objective. 以上列出的 4 种结构模式,既便于满足自传的写作要求,又便于申请人根据自己的 实际情况选择恰当的结构。然而,您不必拘泥于这几种模式。列大纲的目的是为了把文 章写得有条有理,而不是束缚您的想象力和灵活性。您可以混合运用这些结构。例如, 可以同时运用倒叙法和主次结构法;将因果结构和顺序式放在一起又会比较和谐。 无论您决定采用什么样的结构排列组合,完成大纲时,文章脉络也就成形了。下一 步,您就可以开始在这个框架的基础上添砖加瓦了。您需要构思这篇文章所包含的段落 数,每一段要表达的主题,应该包含的内容,并且时时检查是否每一段都紧紧围绕着文 章的主题,整篇文章能否给读者一个深刻、积极的印象。拿本章列举的第一个例子为例, 在写作正文之前,作者就可以写出类似的大纲。 范例 Paragraph 1: ·69· 成功留学文书写作必备 Introduce my exciting experience in Germany winning the architectural design competition …Start with something like this: “when a group of international architecture students won the first prize at the Workshops of Planning and Urban Design held at EEE city, Germany this year, I was among them”. Briefly describe our project and what I have learned and discovered through this special experience. Paragraph 2: Describe my eye-opening experience in Europe. Provide one example—the amazing Guggenheim Museum, my observation and my amazement toward it and architecture in general. Paragraph 3: Discuss my belief about the importance of keeping human needs in mind when conducting urban design. Provide two examples: (1) my observation in the architecture design in Europe; (2) my own experiences as a volunteer. Paragraph 4: Introduce my excellent academic record to prove my solid theoretical background in urban design. Paragraph 5: Discuss my thesis and professional experience in detail. Paragraph 6: Explain why I want to pursue graduate study abroad. Paragraph 7: Explain why I am eager to join the graduate program of your school and why I could benefit your program. Paragraph 8: Closing paragraph—quickly summarize my consistent achievement and my desire to make this ·70· 第 1 部分 自 传 world a better place with my architectural knowledge…imply that I will succeed in the future. ·71· ...
View Full Document

This note was uploaded on 08/15/2010 for the course ENGLISH W340 taught by Professor Prof.simonfeng during the Spring '10 term at Arizona Western College.

Ask a homework question - tutors are online