01.Chapter04 - 第4章 如何写出最具吸引力的开篇

Info iconThis preview shows page 1. Sign up to view the full content.

View Full Document Right Arrow Icon
This is the end of the preview. Sign up to access the rest of the document.

Unformatted text preview: 第4章 如何写出最具吸引力的开篇 文章开篇是自传中最重要的一部分。就像您初见一个陌生人给别人的第一印象。如 果第一印象好,人家就会有兴趣更进一步地了解、认识到您身上更多的优点。在现实生 活中,如果您是一个很优秀的人,但若不慎给别人留下一个坏印象,也许还有一两次机 会改变别人对您的看法。可是自传的开篇就是一锤子买卖,您必须确保文章开篇能够快 速地抓住招生委员会的注意力,使他们怀着强烈的兴趣去读下文。 文章开篇除了起到吸铁石的作用,还起着给整篇文章定调的作用。自传的语气应该 平易近人,给人以亲切的感觉。文章不应过于僵硬,也不要太松散,应尽可能地具体化、 个性化。 文章开篇另一个非常重要的作用就是引出文章的中心。一般说来,文章开篇这一部 分不应该超过 3 段。如果读者读到第 4 段还看不出申请人在说什么,那么文章的开篇就 失败了。主题可以在文章开篇的任何地方。比较常见的两种是: 1)放在开篇的首句点 ( 出主题; 2)放在开篇的末句以便和主体部分连接。下面介绍几种有效的开篇方式。 ( 4.1 陈述性开篇 陈述性开篇大概是最普遍的开篇方式了。这种形式直接明了,往往在开篇时就交代 了时间 When) 地点 Where) 人物 Who) 事件 What) 为什么 Why) 怎样 Why) ( 、( 、( 、( 、 ( 、( 。 这种形式清楚、简洁,当您有太多的经历、事迹想要在自传中展现,而学校要求的自传 长度有限时,用这种快刀斩乱麻式的开端最适合。 陈述性开篇方式能帮助您快捷地点出文章所要表达的意思。这是它的优势,却也是 它的缺点。试想,如果读者读了开篇,就已经对下文要讲的事情猜出了八九分,那么他 们对下文有多大兴趣呢?所以,如果您决定选择以陈述性开篇,一定先要问一问,自己 文章陈述的内容是否独特,能否吸引读者? 先来体会以下两例: 成功留学文书写作必备 范例 1 While some people view the Great Wall as a symbol of ancient China’s reluctance to change, I regard it as an architectural achievement that transcends time. No matter how many times I have hiked the Great Wall, every time I am there, a newer and stronger sense of amazement and pride thrills me. The Great Wall perfectly complies with the “good architecture” standard that the remarkable Roman architect Vitruvius set in his time. According to Vitruvius, a true piece of architecture must be structurally safe and sound, functionally logical and useful, and compositionally harmonic and aesthetic. As a senior architecture student, I consider the ability to design timeless architecture with durability, functionality, and beauty to be the pinnacle of achievement and have been actively pursuing every opportunity to reach this goal. In 1997, with an excellent high school academic record, I applied to China’s top architecture program in the Department of Architecture at QQQ University and was admitted to the program, winning the Freshman Scholarship. Gathering top students from all over China, QQQ University is famous for its intensely competitive environment. Most students spend 80% of their first three years working on the required class assignments and preparing for frequent quizzes and exams, leaving little time for other activities. Benefiting from my solid training since childhood in traditional Chinese painting, watercolor, and oil painting as well as my early awareness of many architecture concepts due to the influence of my prominent architect uncle, I completed most assignments much faster than my peers and often with the highest scores. This offered me wonderful opportunities to engage myself in real-life architecture design early in my college years. 点评 申请人通过对长城这一建筑奇迹的感慨,道出了自己作为一个建筑系的高 年级学生所追求的建筑理念:设计出集持久性、功能性和美感于一体的建筑。 这是一个很有特色的开头。 作者在第一段的最后一句写道: …have been actively “ pursuing every opportunity to reach this goal.”给下文介绍申请人的教育背景打下 了很好的基础。第二段与第一段的过渡衔接也很自然。 ·72· 第 1 部分 自 传 范例 2 China’s entry to the World Trade Organization (WTO)is a turning point in its rapid economic development. It signifies that China is ready to join the global community and follow international trade rules. While in the past 20 years China’s economy has experienced tremendous transformation that benefits Chinese people and people abroad greatly, its political policies have stayed the same. Majoring in Communication, I understand the critical role mass media plays in influencing people’s perceptions. As one of the first students in China to study the impact Internet and Computer networks have on China’s political and social improvement, I understand the how the revolutionary Internet and the conventional media such as newspapers, magazines, radios, and televisions are becoming powerful forces consistently driving China’s slow yet inevitable democratization. People, the organizations they in which they work and the society in which they live will go through dramatic changes in this process. In turn, these changes will shape China’s future political systems. In-depth studies on traditional and contemporary theories of Interpersonal Communication, Mass Communication, and Organizational Communication will help scholars, managers, entrepreneurs and policy makers better understand the role of mass communication in society’s progress and to make the most effective use of it. Through many research projects and field trips during my undergraduate years in BBB University, I have realized the importance of Communications and am deeply fascinated by the potential difference I can make as a junior researcher in the field of Communications. Upon graduating from college next year, I plan to pursue a Ph.D. degree to attain broader insights in this field and make an even bigger difference in people’s lives. 点评 在这篇文章中,申请人认为中国加入世贸组织对我国的经济发展是一个新 的转折点。但他同时又冷静地指出,在过去的二十几年,虽然中国经济在突飞 猛进地发展,但政治体制改革却停滞不前。作为一个学习传播学的学生,申请 人坚信进一步研究个人传播学、组织传播学以及大众传播学传统和现代理论, 将会有助于中国的学者、企业家及政策抉择人更好地了解传播业在社会中所起 的作用,以便制定更能促进中国民主化的相关政策。作为一个学业优秀的有志 青年,申请人立志要攻读 Ph.D.学位,学习先进的传播理论,为中国的发展做出 贡献。这一段字里行间都流露出申请人是一个思想成熟和极有设想的候选人。 ·73· 成功留学文书写作必备 4.2 以小故事开幅 我们都喜欢听故事,读故事。吸引读者注意力的最好办法之一就是以讲述一个故事 开篇。一个简短、朴实、紧凑、独特的小故事,往往不仅能快速地帮助招生委员会进入 角色,而且 能激发他们 迫不及待地 阅读下文。 当您想和招 生委员会分 享一些比较 “Personal”的经历时,比较合适用这种形式开篇。您可以把自己人生中最难忘的一段经 历写成小故事。 体会以下两例: 范例 1 It was a cold gloomy night. I must have been woken up by the howling wind bashing against the fragile window next to my bed. Frightened by the flood surging into our house, I dashed into my moom’s arms the moment I heard her anxiously calling my name. That night, my warm and sweet home was forever gone with the rushing river. I was eight years old. I was desperate. Later, my family and I moved to HHH City, known as one of the “Four Ancient Towns of China”. In our history class, I learned that HHH was built in 214 B.C. and the architecture of many sites and structures in this town is famous for its historic, scientific, and artistic value. Unfortunately, due to inappropriate urban planning, several historical sites have been destroyed over the years. Additionally, many of the remaining ones are losing their historical value as more and more modern structures are improperly built next to the ancient ones. It was in that history class that I first learned what “urban planning” means and it was also in that class that I learned that my home would not have been swept away in a flood if basic urban planning theory had been applied. Oscar Wilde once said, “Memory is the diary that we all carry about with us.” It is True. My childhood memory has turned the notion of urban planning from a curiosity to my passion. During my four years of study at the Department of City & Resource Planning of YYY University, one of the most prestigious universities in China, I won the Outstanding Student ·74· 第 1 部分 自 传 Scholarship twice. I not only won the highest scores in several major courses such as Economics Geography and Residential Planning, I also successfully achieved a high overall GPA of PPP and major GPA of QQQ. My academic competence and leadership excellence earned me enormous trust from my professors. I was picked to fill the only Teaching Assistant position when I was just a sophomore. Besides helping professors prepare handouts and grade homework, I actively collected students’ feedback and helped professors to make corresponding changes to their teaching agenda. What I enjoyed the most was organizing in-class discussions that helped students to thoroughly comprehend new concepts. 点评 这篇文章的开端是不是给您带来了清新的感觉?当您读到 “It was a cold gloomy night”时,您是否想知道那个寒冷、 阴湿的晚上发生了什么事?读完第 1~2 段后,您知道由于建筑设计不当,申请人的家在那个晚上被无情的洪水冲走了, 是否很可以理解,这件事给申请人幼小的心灵留下了怎样难以磨灭的痕迹和他 因此立志学习城市规划的原因。文章的第 3 段承上启下,叙述了申请人出于强 烈的好奇心和责任感,刻苦学习,考进了著名的 YYY 大学的城市规划系,并取 得了优秀的学业成绩。 范例 2 I am fortunate to have realized at an early age that experiences we do not enjoy or people who are not fair to us are not necessarily bad for our growth. Surviving these experiences, we become tougher and see more clearly who we are and whom we want to be. In my case, when my 3rd-grade teacher thought that a transferred student like me must not be as good as those original students in her class and therefore looked down on me, I worked extremely hard and soon made it to the top list of the class. Proving my teacher biased was far less significant than recognizing my perseverance to succeed regardless of what others think of me. Many years have passed, I have encountered numerous new challenges since then and, looking back, I am proud that I have conquered difficulties and consistently managed to reach my goal. I have grown from a child who spent hours on toy cars to a Mechanical Engineering and Automation research staff and instructor working at a prominent University. As I am writing to apply graduate program in your school, I have great confidence that with my passion to Mechanical ·75· 成功留学文书写作必备 Engineering and Automation and my diligent attitude, I will succeed in your program. I am ready to contribute my knowledge to your program and devote myself to research. 点评 作者在开篇讲述了自己小学三年级时转学的经历。因为老师看不起转学的 学生,作者受到了不公正的待遇。但小小年纪的他不但没有气馁,反而加倍刻 苦地学习,最后成为班上成绩最好的几名学生之一。通过这件事情,申请人悟 出逆境鞭策人、奋起追求就能成功的道理。招生委员会自然也可以感受到申请 人是一个能够战胜困难的、性格执着的候选人,会因此对他产生好感。 4.3 以格言开篇 当您为自己的某种品质感到无比自豪,可又不便自卖自夸时,选取一个能体现您的 精神的格言来作为文章的开篇是很有效的。在我们修改过的自传中,有相当一部分文章 是以格言开篇的。在这些文章中,有些格言选择得恰到好处,使读者在读完格言后就可 以猜出并想象到您所要写的事情、表现的思想。这种开头往往能够为全篇打下一个伏笔, 帮助读者一面揣摩您的观点立场,一面又想好奇地继续读下去,看看自己的预测对不对, 事情到底会如何发展。但是,我们发现,也有许多文章以格言开头,但文章后文讲述的 事情与格言并没有呼应关系,使得读者在阅读整篇文章的过程中有丈二和尚摸不到头脑 的感觉。读完了全篇文章,仍不见与格言相应的内容,这就会令读者产生失落感。下面 两个例子以格言开头,请大家注意文章是如何围绕着格言发展的。 范例 1 One of the finest quarterbacks in Pro football history, Roger Staubach, said, “Confidence doesn’t come out of nowhere. It is a result of hours and days and weeks and years of constant work and dedication.” Having focused on the studies of Intelligent Systems since I entered the Masters program at the Institute of Automation at the Chinese Academy of Sciences, I have conducted extensive research in the field of intelligent systems, including fuzzy systems, neural networks and their applications and have published several academic papers in acclaimed ·76· 第 1 部分 自 传 domestic and international journals. I have come to recognize that it is the combination of my strong interest in intelligent systems and my solid mathematics and computer background that has taken me so far. I have full confidence that I am well prepared to go further and pursue my childhood dream—obtain a Ph.D. Degree in Electrical Engineering, eventually becoming a knowledgeable professor. After winning the First Prize in the highly competitive National High School Students’ Mathematics Competition in 1996, I was offered, without being required to take the entrance exam, entry to the best Mathematics program in China, the Department of Mathematical Sciences in PPP University. During the four years that I studied at PPP University, I worked very hard and maintained a position in the top 5 students in the Department. During my junior year, driven by my long-time interest in Artificial Intelligence, I took an Artificial Intelligent course offered in graduate school and was ranked No.1 in the class, despite being the only undergraduate student. I was completely fascinated by what was covered in this class and was so encouraged by this experience that I decided to study Artificial Intelligence in graduate school. 点评 作者在开篇引用著名橄榄球后卫 Roger Staubach 说过的话, “自信来源于 日积月累的投入和工作” ,暗示自己是一个勤奋、有目标的、自信的人;自己在 学术上做出的成绩、发表的论文,都来自于每分每秒的兢兢业业。 范例 2 Charles Lamb said:” the measure of choosing well, is, whether a man likes and finds good in what he has chosen.” Having grown up in a remote village in southern China, witnessing my farmer grandparents and parents using the same outdated tools days and nights in the fields, I decided as a child that I would go to college and become a mechanical expert in order to develop superior manufacturing equipment and advanced technologies for industrious Chinese farmers like my parents. I was ranked No.1 in my class finishing all the way from elementary school and junior high ·77· 成功留学文书写作必备 school to high school. During my high school senior year, due to my excellent academic record, I received an admission letter from ZZZ University, one of the best universities in China three months before the National University Entrance Examination. Even as many teachers and students congratulated me on this wonderful opportunity, I decided to pass up this easy route. I took the National University Entrance Examination so that I could enter my dream school, HHH University, a prestigious science and engineering university, majoring in Mechanical and Electronic Engineering…in this field, I realize there is still a lot to learn. To fulfill my goal of being an expert in Industrial Engineering and solve the existing problems in Chinese enterprise, I must pursue more advanced and systematic studies. With your advanced, world-renowned graduate education and a rich matrix of scientific Industrial Engineering theories. the United States is a perfect place for me. XXX University, internationally known for its dynamic and challenging programs, as well as its nurturing academic atmosphere, is the very place I have long admired. If admitted, I’d like to concentrate my study on Logistics, Supply Chain Management and Operations Research. I believe that, with the distinguished faculty and recognized facilities at XX, my potential will be further developed to reach exceptional achievements. 点评 这位申请人为了进入自己梦想的学校,考大学时放弃了保送的机会;大学 毕业后为了攻读自己感兴趣的专业, 放弃了保送本校研究生的机会, 选择了参加 研究生考试,考取了自己喜欢的学校和专业。申请人这种为了达到自己的目标 执着、甘愿冒风险的精神是难能可贵的。文章在开篇引用 Charles Lamb 的名言, “the measure of choosing well, is, whether a man likes and finds good in what he has chosen.”, 说明申请人事业发展的方向十分明确, 是一个不达目的誓不罢休的人。 招生委员会的成员由此可以推断出候选人一定是经过慎重考虑后才申请了该 校,自然会更倾向于招收这个学生。 ·78· 第 1 部分 自 传 4.4 以问题开篇 为什么要以提问题的形式开篇呢?因为这种形式往往能有效地激发招生委员会的好 奇心。招生委员会为了要找到问题的答案,会迫不及待地一段段读下去。如果文章的线 索安排得清晰且有层次,他们在读完您的自传后,不仅能够了解您对一个问题的看法, 还会对您的逻辑思维以及语言表达能力刮目相看。 与以格言开篇相同,当您选择以问题作开篇的形式时,需要选择一个聪明的问题。 您提出的问题和答案必须能显示您的聪明才智。美国人喜欢问各种各样的问题,教授经 常一面鼓励学生多提问题, 一面打趣地说: There is not stupid question, only stupid person.” “ 您大概不愿意被划入“stupid person”一类吧? 再来体会一下面两例: 范例 1 A debate has existed since the last century about whether or not machines will ever be able to imitate all that human beings do. Can we possibly create thinking, feeling, and intelligent machines ? This question is the driving force behind my strong interest in Artificial Intelligence(AI). My aspiration to be an AI scientist dates back to my early childhood. Artificial Intelligence is so intriguing to me that I have always been fascinated by the splendid expectations of the future of AI technology. Even though there have been no great breakthroughs in AI field over the past twenty years, there are still people working hard on it. I am one of those who believe that one day AI will contribute to the world in its magic way, but not the way of “Terminators” in sci-fi movies. I began my research in the field of Artificial Intelligence when I was a graduate student at XX University. In XXXX, my first AI model, “Neural Network System for Test” (Version 1.0, Alfa), was used for model recognition and was successfully developed independently by applying feed forward NNs and Hebb study rules. I then developed the Beta version with feed forward NNs and Backpropagation algorithm, also called the supervised learning model, ·79· 成功留学文书写作必备 widely used in some practical fields. Following these two successful models, I started to develop the “Neural Network System for Test” (Version 1.0, Gamma) with advanced inheritance algorithm, and Hopfield feedback network system ( Version 1.0, Theta ) to simulate a dynamic nonlinear system. Additionally, with the programming experience of these AI models, I developed a new algorithm for computer graphics that was published on Computer Graphics “20XX International Academic Publishers”. These experiences have given me a great opportunity to understand the nature of Artificial Intelligence, and have strengthened my confidence in my ability to become a scientist. 点评 作者在开头第一段提出自己始终在思索的问题: Will machines be able to “ imitate all that human being do?Can we possibly create thinking, feeling, and intelligent machines for as long as we have been imagining it?”然后指出,正是这 两个问题激发了作者对人工智能的强烈兴趣。 范例 2 My coming graduation puts me right in front of a career crossroad. After four years of undergraduate study, I need to choose my future path. Should I join the industry to work for a company or should I pursue an advanced graduate study in academia and go on with my research interest in biomedical science? I have chosen the latter. After examining my interests and strengths, it is clear to me that I want to extend my career in academia. Since the end of last century, various applications of biochemistry have opened the door to an exciting world where I want to devote myself, where I see the beauty of human intelligence, and where my goals lie. Pre-college experiences began my search for science To be a scientist has been my dream since my childhood. I did my best at school to excel in classes. I showed strong interests in natural science and mathematics, interests that are, in many people’s eyes, unique and difficult for girls. My solid background in Mathematics, General Physics, General Chemistry and the applications of these gave me great confidence in learning new knowledge. Because both my mother and ·80· 第 1 部分 自 传 grandmother are doctors, I was fortunate to be exposed to medical science and pharmacy at an earlier age. As a child, I saw many patients recovering after their treatment and I was totally fascinated by the miracles of modern medical science. ·81· 成功留学文书写作必备 点评: 我们每一个人在毕业时都要面对未来的选择。在这篇自传中,申请人提出 了他对发展方向的思索:“Should I join the industry to work for a company; or should I pursue graduate study and go on with my research interests in Computer Science?”读到这儿,招生委员会会好奇地等待申请人的决定。于是申请人紧接 着为我们解开了谜底——进入学术界。作者指出这一结论是综合分析了自己的 兴趣和优势后得出的。招生委员会的成员读完这些内容后,应该可以认识到申 请人是一个对生活态度认真、颇有主见的人。 其实,开篇方式并不局限于以上推荐的 4 种。您可以根据自己的喜好和具体情况选 择、排列组合以上的开篇方式。重要的不是您在开篇时选择什么样的模式,而是您选择 的模式所能带来的效果。如果您采用的开头能够起到吸引招生委员会,引出文章主题, 为下文做有力的铺垫,那么恭喜,您已经有了一个成功的开篇了。另外,值得一提的是, 一篇好的文章,往往有一对相互呼应的开篇和结尾。关于结尾的写法我们将在第 9 章 叙述。 ·82· ...
View Full Document

Ask a homework question - tutors are online