01.Chapter06 - 第6章 如何写出令人信服的申请

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Unformatted text preview: 第6章 如何写出令人信服的申请 某校某专业的理由 绝大多数大学的招生委员会委员在读您的个人陈述时会刻意从几个方面来寻找是否 该录取您的理由:学术背景(academic background) 、研究和工作经历(research and work experience) 、将来发展方向(career goals) 、性格品行(character strength and personality) 等。虽然每个学校的招生简章中大致上规定申请者所必要具备的基本条件,如已取得的 学位、研究生入学考试成绩(GRE, GMAT, TOEFL)等,但他们读您的个人陈述之前心中 并没有具体期待您必须是哪一类的人。所以您要真实地着重地写您自身的各个方面。这 在以前的章节中已有具体叙述。 这一章着重讲述的是怎样在个人陈述中阐明选择某校某专业的理由,什么样的理由写 出来有说服力,什么样的没有说服力。理由是多种多样的,您也许根本就没有特别的个人 理由要申请那所学校,只不过它是所外国大学而您凑巧把它列入了您的申请范围;或者那 个大学正好有您熟悉的人在那边,那人可能是您的同学或心爱的人、通过学术会议认识的 教授等;或者那个大学的某个专业项目的设计非常符合您的个人理念;不管您叙述的是什 么理由,您都要使招生委员会认识到您对他们的学校和所申请的专业的了解程度、您的背 景和将来发展目标的一致性。总之,您提供的理由、证据必须合情合理、无可辩驳。 6.1 切忌华而不实、千篇一律 当您不谈事实,仅仅使用一些花哨的词藻向招生委员会表明自己申请他们系的缘由 时,您的理由读起来不仅会让人觉得空洞、乏味还会陷入千篇一律的深渊。申请人试图 只写出一个自传的模版,在发给不同的学校时就将学校名字稍做修改即告完成。因此不 可能对每所学校都写出有针对性的申请理由来,例如下面的这一段就是用了通常的写法。 The thought of pursuing doctoral study is both intellectually exhilarating and challenging to me. 成功留学文书写作必备 Your program is very appealing to me for your outstanding research achievements made in my target field of XXXX, distinguished faculty members, balanced spectrum of research programs and extraordinary cultural and intellectual resources offered to students. I would like to devote my whole self for a study at your school to achieve a brand new starting point in my research life. Also, I have the conviction that I will distinguish myself again, as I always have, among my fellow students to higher level achievements. Your full consideration to this application for admission with a financial award will give great momentum to the development of my research career. I am sincerely looking forward to your most favorable reply. 这篇文章的作者说他想申请那所学校是因为该校在某某领域杰出的研究成绩、著名 的研教职人员、均衡的研究项目设置,以及给学生提供的卓越的文化和知识的渠道 (outstanding research achievements made in my target field of XXXX, distinguished faculty members, balanced spectrum of research programs and extraordinary cultural and intellectual resources offered to students) 。这样笼统的文字通常会出现在每个学校印发的学校简介上。 招生委员会读了以后,或者毫无感觉,或者会从心底产生反感,因为具有上述优点的学 校多的是,很多学校都有杰出的教授、卓越的研究成果、良好的科研学习设施等。因此, 这样的文字起不了让招生委员会进一步了解申请者的目的, 也就是说, 1000 字的有限 在 篇幅中,您浪费了宝贵的原本可以对您的申请起到有积极作用的阵地。 6.2 重申写作重点 那么究竟该怎样写出积极的、有说服力的理由呢?其实,您在完成收集资料的任务 后(第 1 章) ,以下信息就该已经被记录在案了: 1. 通过该校的网址或申请目录或在该校的学长、 朋友仔细记下该校专业的具体设置, 如课程安排、专业要求、发展方向以及该专业在整个研究院所具有的地位。 2.挖掘目标专业的各个方面,如专业的侧重点、专业所包括的具体研究课题、已取 得的主要成就。 3.调查该专业主要的教授,弄清楚他们具体的名字、研究兴趣、正在进行的实验课 题、已发表的文章等。 4.联系您在这个专业方面已取得的研究经历,并从中设法找出与他们的研究之间共 ·90· 第 1 部分 自 传 同的或可以相提并论的东西来。 5.您的家庭成员或您自己有没有同该学校有特别的渊源关系?例如,是否有成员曾 经从该校毕业,或是否有与自己关系较好的人正在该校学习。 6.该校的什么特点使您在千万所大学之中特选了它。因为西方教育系统里有很多学 校建立在不同的办校理念下。研究这一点,然后结合自己的成长经历和个人理念,写出 您申请它的理由来。 总之,写出来的东西首先要有说服力,其次是尽可能合理。在美国人的概念中,事 情的说服力和合理性不一定等同。当然您的目的是既要写得能说动人家,也要让人家觉 得合理。用他们的话来说,他们找到了录取您的 Justifications。下面是我们整理出的一些 为什么申请某校、某专业的比较有说服力的例子,仅供参考。 6.3 实例分析 例一:下面这位申请人讲了她为什么申请 Yale SOM(School of Management,管理学 院)的原因之一。在叙述理由时若只讲 Yale 悠久的历史、人人皆知的名气、卓越的教授、 古老美丽的校园,根本打动不了招生委员会的心。招生委员会期待您讲出更深入、具体、 符合理念的理由来,而不是他们招生册上已经列出的或人们心目中已经知道的东西。您 的理由应该是个人化的,结合您的个体因素的。下面这位管理专业的女申请人特别提到 了 Yale 大学商学院重视培养女企业家的特点,从自己与该校女校友的交谈写来,表示了 希望自己能在 Yale 大学商学院学到成为成功女企业家的要素。这样一来,教授们就会觉 得申请人因为该校重视女企业家的培养而申请该校的理由是充分的。 The understanding and support for women at Yale SOM comforts and encourages me greatly. In global business world, where men are still in the dominant position in terms of number and power, women entrepreneurs have to deal with more difficult situations involving career, marriage, and children. How to balance the relationship between family and business is the question and confusion for every business woman. Also how to fully exercise the potential as a women entrepreneur is an art. As far as I am concerned, I have set developing business as my lifelong pursuit. I have always tried to figure out solutions about how to maintain a happy family as well as a smooth and successful career. At Yale SOM, there are special organizations ·91· 成功留学文书写作必备 such as WIM (Women in Management) aimed at addressing concerns about the academic, career and family issues in women students’ lives. Those successful women alumnae I encountered in Yale Club activities, with their ways of dealing with dilemmas, set very good examples for me and gave me much confidence. Their ideas and perseverance in pursuing success both in business and family life gave me very good insight about what I should do to ensure same success. 例二:在下面这个例子中,这位申请人特别提到了所申请学校的某位教授在他申请 的东亚研究方面的理论演讲对他论文进展的帮助。他发现自己与这位教授有某些共同的 意见,这促使他申请这个专业的这位教授的课程。但也有一点非常需要引起注意:您所 提到的教授或该专业的特点务必是准确,而且提到的教授也应确保仍然在该校。甚至, 如果能打听到的话,应确保这位教授在该校声誉较佳然后再提及他。这样才不至于因为 您提了这个人而产生不良结果。 My graduate paper is about the problem of Civil Disobedience in Asian Regions, an important interdisciplinary theoretic issue widely acknowledged and discussed in west but nearly untouched in China for certain cultural reasons. To find more informational resources, I utilized every chance to access any speeches about the topic. In the last 10 months when guest speakers such as Professor Richard Bernstein, an expert in this theoretical area visited our department, I grasped those precious opportunities to gain their brief but helpful opinions about my paper. What Professor Bernstein presented to me reinforced what I have conceived in this area. When I searched through schools to apply, I chose XXX University with no hesitation for the graduate program of XXX at your school hosts the impressive speaker, Professor Bernstein, with whom I share many of the same ideas. 例三:当然对于理工科的学生来讲,阐述该校的专业是怎样与您的专业相吻合是非 常重要的。下面这位申请人阐述了为什么要申请 Carnegie Mellon 的博士项目时提到了该 校在无线网络研究方面的领先地位,以及诸如某某教授在这领域的知名度很高。而这些 教授可能正在念着您的申请文书呢。 With my life-long goal set to be an outstanding telecom scientist, I made up my mind to pursue a Ph.D. degree from the USA, where almost all the cutting-edge technology is from. The reason why I chose Carnegie Mellon as my ideal university is not only for its long history and ·92· 第 1 部分 自 传 world-known reputation, but also for the pioneering position of its wireless network research. Carnegie Mellon has the most famous faculty, state-of-the-art equipments and a well-developed education system. I believe that under the direction of the accomplished professors such as Professor XXX, Professor XXX, etc., and based on my excellent problem-solving ability and lab work skills, I will enrich my knowledge, enhance my expertise, and sharpen my research skills in the communication field. 例四:下面这位申请人在讲述为什么申请哥伦比亚大学的商校时说哥伦比亚大学位于 纽约大都市,去这个学校就可以继续留在纽约,有利于保持他多年来培养的各类在生意上 的社会关系。并且,也提到希望自己在该校时还能进修这个学校法学院的课。这个保持生 意场上的关系的说法非常直接, 但很诚恳。 相信评委们会更加确信他要申请哥大的理由了, 因为他既然想呆在纽约,那么可能申请的商校也就只有哥伦比亚大学和纽约大学了。 I am very impressed by the diversity that Columbia can offer in terms of its student body, the research interests and so on. I will learn the entrepreneurial skills I need, while having the opportunity to interact with leaders and top students, with interests both similar and diverse from my own. I hope to take advantage of some of the Graduate School of Law’s offerings as well. And by staying in New York City, I hope to keep up with my valuable contacts that took several years to develop in this business. 例五:下面是一个想从英国约克大学转到加州大学伯克利分校学心理学的申请人。 申请人既要说明在约克学习得不错,又要说明为什么想中断在那儿的博士项目研究。作 者着重从非常实际的个人经济情形出发,希望在伯克利大学能拿到经济资助。也强调了 在教学方面的兴趣,并且说明想离开约克市因为那里没有教学机会。两个理由加在一起, 说穿了,就是想换个学校申请经济资助,并继续同样的学业。作者的巧妙在于不直接赤 裸裸地而是间接地表明申请伯克利大学的经济原因。 Given the nature of these questions it seems logical that I should stay at York University. My professors are pleased with my work to date and have asked me to stay on to complete my PhD degree. There are two reasons for which I have chosen to apply to Berkley instead of continuing at York. On a pragmatic level I have financed the year here without any financial aid by working for two years. The time I was available to spend on my research after the work was not as much as I expected. I hope to be able to spend more time on the research of psychology. ·93· 成功留学文书写作必备 In addition, I enjoy teaching and intend to make a career of it at the university level. York does not emphasize teaching for its graduate students and I feel that teaching can be a very valuable experience in this field while doing research. Although I will be leaving York, I will maintain my ties here and I expect that my involvement with the behavioral psychology research project will continue, allowing both myself, and hopefully other students at Berkley, an opportunity to participate into the project. 例六:下面这个申请人在文书的前半部分非常突出地描写了她在金融领域的岗位上, 尤其在结合金融专业知识与当代计算机科学而开发出高效的信息管理系统方面取得了很 好的成绩。然后总结自己在定量分析方面的优势,并打算通过正申请的研究生的学习在 这个方面获得更大的提高。她找的这所英国的学校因为设有强调定量方面能力的金融专 业而吸引了她。她有着与这所学校相同的理念,那就是,先进复杂的金融行业里呼唤更 有开创精神的专业人士。作为该行业坚定的献身者,作者写出了自己的观点与自信。她 在最后一段这样写道: When I reflect on what I have gone through at school and in my career, I pride myself on my strength in applied mathematics, which enabled me to develop systems on strict algorithms and mathematic tools. Meanwhile, I realize the needs for me to receive more profound quantitative training for deeper understanding and involvement in my beloved field of finance. Imperial College appeals to me so much for the courses that are more quantitatively based and where innovation is more emphasized. I share the same vision as your school that high innovation is in great demand in the increasingly complex international markets. As a committed professional in the financial field, I clearly see my dedication in my career future to renovate financial management system so as to provide as much optimization as possible. I am confident that my expertise achieved so far in the various finance areas will enable me to make the most out of the prospect study. Upon completion of the studies with you, I will return to continue my work in China. Ultimately I may open a financial consulting company and become an experienced banker. It is my everlasting goal to realize as much as possible my value in helping China constructing a healthier and more scientific finance environment. So, I appreciate your time on my application and expect your most favorable consideration. 每个人都会有独特的理由选择学校。在审视自己的理由时,关键要花时间研究、提 ·94· 第 1 部分 自 传 炼、总结,然后不卑不亢地写出来。总之,要结合自己的情况,做到知己知彼,合情合 理,方能百战不殆。 ·95· ...
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This note was uploaded on 08/15/2010 for the course ENGLISH W340 taught by Professor Prof.simonfeng during the Spring '10 term at Arizona Western College.

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