Love_lecture(11,15) - LOVE LOVE A good relationship… good is is the single most important factor in determining satisfaction with determining

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Unformatted text preview: LOVE LOVE A good relationship…. good is is the single most important factor in determining satisfaction with: determining your life your & overall happiness Happiest older people… Happiest Have a satisfying relationship 1.Proximity 1.Proximity Geographical nearness Mere exposure effect #1 predictor for developing relationships First Impressions First impression is neutral or positive.. Then repeated exposure will lead to liking 2.Emotions 2.Emotions Conditioning Example: effects Music 3a.Affiliation (traits) 3a.Affiliation (traits) Extrovert—high affiliation for other people Introvert—low affiliation for other people **Need to be aware of partner’s affiliation **Need style style 3.b Affiliation (situations) 3.b Affiliation (situations) Some situations bring Some people together people Others make them Others drift apart drift (reading embarrassing material) material) Complementary Schismogenesis Complementary Schismogenesis Complementary Complementary Schismogenesis = just let person be just The The more you push, the more the other pulls away more someone who is used to standing close has has a conversation w/ someone who feels more comfortable w/ a larger space more The The first person will keep on moving closer while the second will keep on moving away Example Woman wanting more emotional intimacy The more she requests it, the more he pulls away Solution: Like Like let him or her be a dance: relationships come close then move apart come 4. Attractiveness 1.Halo 2. effect Matching hypothesis: All things being equal, you tend to marry someone who is similar in level of attractiveness similar 5. Similarity: Do Do birds of a feather flock together? Or Or do opposites attract? attract? Social Validation Social Validation When it comes to: Values Values Attitudes Beliefs Beliefs be birds of a feather be When When it comes to more superficial things— opposites can be complementary complementary Will Our Love Last?: A Couple's Road Map [by Sam R. Hamburg,2001] It's It's all about compatibility especially with values & beliefs beliefs it's it's best to have a lot of common ground common 6. Reciprocal Judgment 6. Reciprocal Judgment We like those who like us If someone has a crush on If you, you’ll tend to like them if we: we: Don’t Don’t attribute flattery to motives motives Recently been deprived of Recently approval approval Others praise reverses earlier Others criticism criticism 7. Equity 7. Equity A condition in which what people receive condition from a relationship is proportional to what they contribute to it they L O V E: Sternberg L O V E: Sternberg INTIMACY PASSION COMMITMENT Passionate love: Super nova Passionate An An aroused state of intense positive absorption in another, usually at the beginning of love relationship beginning Beginning of a camp fire Beginning Falling in Love: Passion Falling in Love: Passion Passionate love (roller coaster) Phenylethlamine Helen Fischer Helen Dopamine Serotonin high drop Passionate love: 3 things 1.Culture 1.Culture Need Need to be raised in a culture that teaches it to their young to 2. Appropriate Person 2. Need Need presence of someone you find attractive attractive 3. Two-Factor Theory of Emotion 3. Emotions Emotions are diffuse, physiological arousals physiological Attributing Attributing an arousal to the emotion of love to Breaking Up Breaking Up #1 factor that causes break-ups: things that contributed to initial friendship go away Companionate love Companionate The The deep affectionate attachment we feel for those with whom our lives are entwined for Companionate love is Friendship part: like the steady enduring fire like Lasts a life time Romantic love fades or weakens Romantic after 2 years that's that's why a lot of relationships break up after about 2 years break having having realistic expectations is a key to keeping a relationship going going It It takes a little work then Have realistic expectations Have Only in Fairy Tales do: 2 people meet each other people fall in love, get married & live happily ever after live Weiss: Weiss: Good couple: 8 positive to 1 negative positive Bad couple: Bad 1 positive to 1negative = destructive Communication Communication Interpersonal Interpersonal modes: modes: “Verbal communication has 2 Behavior” meaning carried by the words & sentences themselves themselves “Evocative Signals” emotion & non-verbal meanings that are communicated (which are more likely to provoke an emotional response) provoke Good couple learns to Communicate (use +-+) (use Speak Listen Empathize Self Self disclosure: revealing intimate aspects of oneself to other other Gottman: learn how to argue Gottman: 4 horseman: predicts divorce Contempt Criticism Defense Stonewalling Stonewalling the other) the (don’t respect H. Markman: PREP H. Develop Develop skill when you don’t need them so when need them they are there are Cowen Cowen Having Having children can temporarily decrease marital satisfaction marital Skill Skill to keep relationship going at that time going 70 70 percent of all arguments in a relationship or marriage are basically “unsolvable” “unsolvable” learn to live with some of those problems ‘unsolvable' are things like: your family your your background your belief — things that aren't going to change things Compromise Compromise if if you can't do that with someone you're dating or married to… or then then you're definitely in for trouble for Interview both parents Interview in in any relationship, there are six people six involved — the two of you & both sets of parents parents You You shouldn't marry someone if you hate 10 things about him but think,… things 'Oh, when we're married, I'll be able to change him.‘ be That's not going to happen That's You never know when someone will: someone get a chronic illness get develop an addiction or encounter millions of other unexpected problems problems Before getting married…. Before Know Know that your partner is NOT perfect perfect make make sure that you've been through bad times, not just good times times (some (some serious fights or rough times in the relationship) If a couple has been through If hard times & hard Disagreement Disagreement Argument & are still together are It’s a good sign It It shows that relationship is strong strong a good relationship good there there to help each other during hard times: during builds trust builds laugh with each other laugh during rough times: brings couple a little bit closer See but but each other at best also seen each other at most vulnerable or weakest points, too weakest Happiest couples….. Happiest Learn Learn (Choose) to focus on others positives 8 to 1 others Self fulfilling prophecy Cooley’s “Looking Glass Self”: the power of social constructions power Which of these is not one of the concepts that social psychologists study that affect the formation of a relationship? relationship? A. Proximity B. Attractiveness C. Occupation D. Similarity ...
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This note was uploaded on 10/08/2011 for the course PSY 120 taught by Professor Donnely during the Spring '08 term at Purdue University-West Lafayette.

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