The Nicest Guy and His Lonely Penis
Published on Smashwords
Copyright 2011 Phil Torcivia
Cover Sketch by Mervin Kaunda
Like me on Facebook: Facebook.com/SuchaNiceGuy
Follow Phil on Twitter: Twitter.com/PhilTorcivia
Follow Syd on Twitter: Twitter.com/SydTorcivia
Follow Symon on Twitter: Twitter.com/SymonTorcivia
Author website: Torcivia.com
Nothing in this book is true except my desire to cover my ass with this statement.
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You think the Gosselins have it tough? Bah. I have millions of little ones to worry about.
Imagine taking care of such a brood. Sure, they are tiny and spend most of their days swimming, but I’m exhausted
trying to keep up with them. There’s keeping them safe, feeding, and taking them out to play, just to name a few of the
I take my children with me everywhere I go, even to the gym. Although Daddy loves the stationary bike and sauna, my
little ones are none too impressed. I tell them a happy daddy is the best daddy so sometimes they need to suck it up and
take one for the team. If Daddy stops working out then they will not get to spend as much time doing their favorite
activity: egg hunting. Oh, my boys can’t get enough of that. They don’t want one Easter a year either. Nope, not my
boys. Every weekend is Easter in their minds. Good Friday? Every Friday.
I have to be careful when I drink alcohol because I sometimes neglect my children, and they beg me to come out and
play. Nag, nag, nag. They start looking for eggs where there are few to be found. Sometimes Daddy meets a nice
woman his age. You’d think the boys would be happy.
Nope. I explain (in my baby voice) that older women have more experience with them and are more fun to play with.
Yet, when the boys get involved, they whine and complain that she doesn’t play nice. Her eggs are too hard to find.
My children are always up before I am in the morning. God, what I would give to be able to sleep in. Sometimes I take
them out to play right before bedtime, hoping to tire them out. They love to watch TV, but Daddy loves sports, and they
have no interest. We end up watching their favorite shows as I try to tire them out, but still in the morning it’s “We’re