Final - Chapter9 11:30...

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Chapter 9 11:30 Knowing what conflict is all about will help you manage it better. Conflict is interaction BETWEEN people. Conflict only occurs when someone shows how they feel Selective perception (the way we choose to view things, such as a past event) is a  central dynamic in conflict interaction We should view communication as a people process as opposed to a language process Defensive Behavior – occurs when an individual perceives and anticipates an attack This calls them to devote a lot of their energy to self defense Interested in dominating, impressing, winning, and refuting attacks View interaction as a competition; people are winners or losers Sometimes its rational to be defensive because people may be attacking you Someone who is chronically defensive usually has a low self-esteem Defensive/Supportive Behaviors
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Defensive            |           Supportive ---------------------------------------------------- 1. Evaluation                  1. Description 2. Control                       2. Problem Orientation 3. Strategy                     3. Spontaneity 4. Neutrality                   4. Empathy 5. Superiority                 5. Equality 6. Certainty                    6. Provisionalism Evaluate - Communication behavior that appears to be evaluative, tends to put people  on guard Any value judgment is a moral judgment Most people don’t like to be morally evaluated by another individual Description – attempt to be objective; try to merely describe things Value neutral; try to remove sense evaluation and prevent defensiveness Control – we don’t like to be controlled Control implies superiority If someone is superior, we are inadequate and we don’t know what we are doing
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Problem Orientation – Me and you against a common problem instead of me vs. you Identify a mutual problem and co-create a solution In many cases it’s a language game (we and us not me and you) Strategy – we often suspect malevolent motives (a strategy against us) Being unnatural is seen as strategizing Strategy is probably being picked up nonverbally Spontaneity – behavior that is natural does not appear to have hidden agendas Neutrality – if we maintain a too strict sense of neutrality it is often taken as a lack of  regard for another person Empathy – empathize with the other person “Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes” Attempt to get closer to the way someone else feels People do not like the saying “I know exactly how you feel” You cannot know exactly how someone feels Superiority – an implied value judgment People don’t like thinking that someone is better than them
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