ENG304draft3 - Mike Mesrobian 2/24/10 Experiment Draft 3 In...

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Mike Mesrobian 2/24/10 Experiment Draft 3 In this draft I began seriously editing my writing and strengthening my sentences. I cut out a few paragraphs that weren’t central to my story. Part of the strengthening of my writing was focusing my story’s narrative and that has led me to the current dilemma that I’m in: I have no idea how to tie it together. Part of my peer feedback suggested intertwining all of the stories and I really enjoy that but I have no idea where to start the “blending” process. I will grab an office hour time with you on Monday to discuss further, but I think that finding an effective way to blend the anecdotes could create a more powerful sum of the parts. TITLE Mr. Colgate, my English professor, stood in front of the class and he had completed grading our first papers of the year. I took the news timidly, imagining the pleasure an A would bring me but cautious to avoid any air of arrogance. The effort I channeled into the paper rivaled any academic endeavor undertaken prior. Never an outstanding writer, the confidence I carried from attending one of the strongest public high schools in America lifted my ego into a safe place. As Mr. Colgate returned my work, he avoided making eye contact with me. Confused, I flipped to the last page to come across a snide, cursive C minus.
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In an environment obsessed with its own intelligence, my first chance to prove that I measured up to the rest eroded all of my intellectual confidence. Immediately my sense of the place at Loomis Chaffee, my prestigious Connecticut boarding school, felt threatened. In a couple short weeks I had made a strong impression on the campus, never leaving a moment quiet and trying my best to come off as someone always entertaining. My social aggressiveness, however, relied heavily on the assumption that I fit the school academically. At a school predicated on superior intellect, the label of “dumbass” carried social consequences traditionally akin to band geeks. Shaken, I embarked on the long walk back to my dorm and felt my stomach sink when it ended. At that point, the most desirable option running through my mind included extending my walk fifteen hundred miles back to home to Chicago. The self- conscious dark side that accompanied every down moment of my Loomis Chaffee career brought the same question I learned to fear every time: Do I belong? I took a path neither typical nor unusual to enter the school. A kid from a very different place compared to Connecticut who hoped to adapt to its unique culture as fast as possible but felt restrained by their own childhood made up a dime a dozen of the student body. After finishing my sophomore year at high school home in Chicago, I bid everything I had known since third grade good-bye and took my talents out East. A generally outgoing person, the coupling of a foreign environment and knowing not a soul at the school humbled my aspirations to “rule the school” from day one. English, the hallmark department of the school, proved one of my many devil’s
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This document was uploaded on 11/02/2011 for the course ENG 304 at Miami University.

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ENG304draft3 - Mike Mesrobian 2/24/10 Experiment Draft 3 In...

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