ENG304paper1final - 0Mike Mesrobian Paper#1 Final Draft The...

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0Mike Mesrobian 2/24/10 Paper #1 Final Draft The Pursuit of Self-Worth Mr. Colgate, my English professor, stood in front of the class and announced he had completed grading our first papers of the year. I took the news timidly, imagining the pleasure an A would bring me but cautious to avoid any air of arrogance. The effort I channeled into the paper rivaled any academic endeavor I had previously undertaken. Never an outstanding writer, the confidence I carried from attending one of the strongest public high schools in America lifted my ego into a safe place. As Mr. Colgate returned my work, he avoided making eye contact with me. Confused, I flipped to the last page to come across a snide, cursive C minus. In an environment obsessed with its own intelligence, my first chance to prove that I measured up to the rest eroded all of my intellectual confidence. Immediately my sense of the place at Loomis Chaffee, my prestigious Connecticut boarding school, felt threatened. In a couple short weeks I had made a strong impression on the campus, never leaving a moment quiet and trying my best to come off as someone always entertaining. My social aggressiveness, however, relied heavily on the assumption that I fit the school academically. At a school predicated on superior intellect, the label of “dumbass” carried social consequences traditionally akin to band geeks. Shaken, I embarked on the long walk back to my dorm and felt my stomach twist when it ended. At that point, the most desirable option running through my mind
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included extending my walk fifteen hundred miles back to home to Chicago. The self- conscious dark side that accompanied every down moment of my Loomis Chaffee career brought the same question I learned to fear every time: Do I belong? English, the hallmark department of the school, proved one of my many devil’s advocates as I suffered through many down moments and celebrated unforeseen heights over the course of three academic years. The C minus that began my career spurred a few years of furious effort and meager results. Through failure after failure, I pushed my hopeless abilities further and further, my stubborn refusal to admit a weakness of my own
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ENG304paper1final - 0Mike Mesrobian Paper#1 Final Draft The...

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