Ivy Allshouse COM155 COM155 Week 9 Final Paragraph four was better written than paragraph one. First, in paragraph one the writer was very repetitive. If the writer repeats what they are trying to say over and over readers will most likely want to put the paper down. Second, the paragraph did not flow, and the sentences were choppy. Third, along with repetition paragraph one sounded like it was written by a child and there was no genuine explanation of why a person should obtain a will or what a will really is. Finally, the writer went back and forth between third person and second person, making the paper even more confusing. Paragraph four flowed very nice and was easy to read. There are minimal grammar errors and everything is explained well. The paragraph sounds like it was written by an adult not a child. The paragraph explained what was being talked about very well. There were correct punctuation and spelling, along with correct word usage. Paragraph four was definitely more effective than paragraph one.
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This note was uploaded on 11/04/2011 for the course COM 155 taught by Professor Williams during the Spring '10 term at University of Phoenix.