Peer Review Dimino - body of the introduction and make the...

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Matt Deis Ms. Williams English 110, Section 105 30 October 2010 Peer Review: Derek Dimino Before reading your essay, I would not have thought that the topic of “competition” could be as interesting as it. I feel that the topic of competition and its effects on people and their surrounding environments is something that is often overlooked and I am very glad you took the time to dive deeper into this area. From the start of the essay it is very clear where you stand on the issue but you may want out find a way to show your opinion in a slightly less blunt manner. Instead of just coming right out and saying, “Yes, I believe this…” let the research you have done and your reactions to that research do some of the talking. More specifically within your first paragraph you may want to consider moving the last sentence of the paragraph into more the
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Unformatted text preview: body of the introduction and make the last sentence of the paragraph the place where you clearly state your stance on the issue. From there, you can go on to talk about the research you have one and how it supports that statement. As I have told you on just about every draft before this, make sure you watch out for contractions. It is very easy to overlook something like that but it does take away from the strength of your essay. Also, make sure you include a page number at the top right hand corner of the paper. It seems like there is a lot of material on this topic and considering that we need to have at least six sources, and at least two new ones from our original set, it may also benefit you to add on to your already strong essay with some more research which will also give you more to talk about....
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This note was uploaded on 11/08/2011 for the course ENGL 110 taught by Professor Slovak during the Fall '07 term at University of Delaware.

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