11 Infidelity & Jealousy

11 Infidelity & Jealousy - Infidelity &...

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Unformatted text preview: Infidelity & Jealousy Infidelity & Jealousy ► Exam Announcements Announcements Office hours – pattern of incorrect Qs ►Textbook vs. Lecture and Basic vs. Applied ► Paper Bring 2nd set of critiques on Thursday Examples of papers ►No awkward sentences ►Demonstrate knowledge­ definition Overview Overview ► What is infidelity? ► Prevalence of cheating ► Why do people cheat? ► Consequences of infidelity What is infidelity? What is infidelity? ► Infidelity is …. A violation of norms regulating the level of emotional and physical intimacy partners should have with people outside the relationship. What is infidelity? Sexual Infidelity Emotional Infidelity •Men and women agree that sex outside relationship is unfaithful. They might have other criteria other than sexual intercourse, but where is the line drawn? •Know from research that woman, more likely than men, have a more broad/inclusive definition of what infidelity is; includes more behaviors of what infidelity is. What is infidelity? Sexual Infidelity (a) (b) (c) (d) (e) (f) Sexual intercourse Oral sex Fondling Kissing Cybersex Lustful thoughts Emotional Infidelity (a) (b) (c) (d) (e) (f) Flirting Holding hands Sharing secrets Internet romance Going to dinner Slow dancing How prevalent is infidelity? How prevalent What percent of people report being unfaithful to a romantic partner? (a)10­20% (b)20­40% (c)40­55% (d)55­75% (e)All of the above Why do people cheat? Why do people cheat? ► Explanations Partner Relationship Situation Why do people cheat? Why do people cheat? ► Explanations Partner ►Individual Difference Approach People who cheat once are likely to cheat again ►The best predictor of future behavior, is past behavior! Attachment style (more anxiously attached, are more likely to be cheater) Personality (more neurotic, more extroverted, less agreeable & conscientious) Sociosexual orientation ►Unrestricted orientation (more likely to be cheaters) Why do people cheat? Why do people cheat? Sociosexual Orientation The trait­like collection of beliefs and behaviors that describe our feelings about sex. Restricted Unrestricted Why do people cheat? Why do people cheat? Sociosexual Orientation 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. With how many different partners have you had sex (sexual intercourse) within the past year? _________ How many different partners do you foresee yourself having sex with during the next five years? (Please give a specific, realistic estimate). ________ With how many different partners have you had sex on one and only one occasion? _______ How often do you fantasize about having sex with someone other than your current dating partner? (Circle one). 1 to 8: (1) never, (2) once every two to three months, (3) once a month, (4) once every two weeks, (5) once a week, (6) a few times each week, (7) nearly every day, (8) at least once a day Sex without love is OK. (1) I strongly disagree to (9) I strongly agree I can imagine myself being comfortable and enjoying “casual” sex with different partners. (1) I strongly disagree to (9) I strongly agree I would have to be closely attached to someone (both emotionally and psychologically) before I could feel comfortable and fully enjoy having sex with him or her. (1) I strongly disagree to (9) I strongly agree #7 reverse scored, total score computed (questions are weighted) higher numbers on each question reflect unrestricted orientation, lower numbers reflect restricted Why do people cheat? Why do people cheat? Explanations Relationship ►Dissatisfaction ►Low Investment Model Dissatisfaction with current relationship Availability of attractive alternatives Low investment in current relationships ►Social networks Those who report less cheating overall, have closer social networks, in which partner is friends w/ friends. ►Boredom/lack of expansion When they feel partner is boring, not allowing them to have indiv. Growth­ more likely to seek out other people who will provide them with growth/expansion of self. Why do people cheat? Why do people cheat? ► Explanations Situation ►Mere exposure effect Just spending time w/ people, increases liking and attraction to them. ►Increased opportunity Spring Break (college students­ provided alternative partners, allowing more opportunity to cheat) Travel for work ►Plentiful alternative partners ►Psychological fatigue (worn­down) Cookie & Radish study When you’re already in temptation, and having to do something unpleasant, you’re weaken to resist another temptation. Consequences & Outcomes of Infidelity Consequences & Outcomes of Infidelity Reactions to Infidelity ► Hurt and sadness ► Fear of losing the partner ► Remorse Done diff to keep partner ► Anger, Violence, Revenge Consequences & Outcomes of Infidelity Consequences & Outcomes of Infidelity Jealousy Reactions to Infidelity Unhappy combo of hurt, anger, and fear that occurs when people face the potential loss of a valuable relationship, to either a real or imagined rival. Reactive vs. Suspicious Reactive: when someone becomes aware of actual threat in valuable relationship; realistic danger. ►Threat could be in the past, or anticipated in near future. Rxn to realistic danger. In reaction to physical act, flirting, fantasies. Suspicious: when partner hasn’t misbehave, suspicion have don’t fit fact at hand. Consequences & Outcomes of Infidelity Consequences & Outcomes of Infidelity Gender Differences in Reactions to Type of Infidelity ► Consider this question… Think of a serious, committed romantic relationship that you have had in the past, that you currently have, or that you would like to have. Imagine that you discover that the person with whom you’ve been seriously involved became interested in someone else. What would distress or upset you more (please pick only one): (a) Imagining your partner forming a deep emotional attachment to that person. (b) Imagining your partner enjoying passionate sexual intercourse with that other person. Consequences & Outcomes of Infidelity Consequences & Outcomes of Infidelity Gender Differences in Reactions to Type of Infidelity ► Evolutionary perspective suggests that men and women should be sensitive to diff kinds of infidelity. Men: face the problem of paternity uncertainty, so men should be especially vigilant toward, and threatened by, sexual infidelity. Women: risk that a mate will withdraw his protective resources and transfer them to another mate; thus women are threatened by emotional infidelity. ► Most men say the sex would upset them more, whereas most women say the love would be more distressing Consequences & Outcomes of Consequences & Outcomes of Infidelity Would you forgive an unfaithful spouse? Definit ely Probably 70% 60% 26% 50% 40% 30% 20% 1 0% 0% 23% 38% 1 0% Forgive Not Forgive Consequences & Outcomes of Infidelity ► Discovering Infidelity 1. Unsolicited partner discovery – 31.5% 1. Partner tells you about affair, and you haven’t asked them about it; out of blue. 2. Solicited discovery – 19% 1. Partner discover the infidelity after confronting the transgressor and asking questions prior 3. Unsolicited third party discovery – 42% 1. When you’re told by others about it, friends, neighbors, etc, or the mistress. 4. Red handed discovery – 17.5% 1. Walk in and catch them in act Consequences & Outcomes of Consequences & Outcomes of Infidelity Relationship Quality Consequences & Outcomes of Consequences & Outcomes of Infidelity Forgiveness Cues to Infidelity Cues to Infidelity ►Angry, critical, argumentative ►Changes in normal routine and sexual behavior ►Apathetic toward partner ►Increased sexual interest ►Exaggerated displays of affection ►Sexual disinterest/boredom ►Expresses relationship dissatisfaction ►Emotional disengagement ►Physical signs of infidelity ►Spending increased time with others ►Acts guilty and anxious Bottom Line: Bottom Line: Infidelity undermines trust (and thus rewards) in romantic relationships ...
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