2402991858071 - Raphael Leopold April 26, 2011 ...

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Unformatted text preview: Raphael Leopold April 26, 2011 Peer Review Your outline is very well structured and organized. Each aspect that was asked to be discussed in this essay assignment appears to be well laid out and organized in a well thought out manner. I especially like the fact that you have a thesis as in addition to generally about the topic of this paper. The only thing that appears to be missing is the information regarding the type of word the slang words are; i.e. adjective, noun, etc. Furthermore it is not laid out in the outline where you explain why it is correctly used in certain ways but not other ways, you need more logical and grammatical proof. Such as proving why (for example and possibly untrue) “legit” can’t be used in certain settings or as a plural noun, and etc. I do not believe that a small number of simple examples are enough proof of why the words are being used correctly or incorrectly or why there are certain rules that hold true in order for them to be used properly. However, overall you outline seems very well set ­up its just missing more detail regarding the proof and evidence of the rules of the use of the slang words, as well more diverse examples of their use and misuse. But other than that, your intro seems well structured and includes everything to satisfy the introduction section of this outline, your body looks like it need more information and examples, and your conclusion according to the outline appears to successfully ties all of your discussions together while also making a general conclusions about your original ideas and thesis. However, the only problem is that in the conclusion aspect of your outline you don’t seem to show that you are going to be tying your main ideas and evidence together in an overall statement or conclusion. I recommend that you reserve a section were you provide a general overview of your main ideas, evidence, and argument, and tie it to your final conclusions and original thesis. Also it is not good to introduce new evidence or arguments as you do with the “fart” reference. We learned in class that you are not supposed to do that. However, overall your outline aside from the issues I mentioned is pretty solid. Your essay begins with an interesting segway from saying that slang words were taught to be substandard to discussing how they are legitimate words with real rules. This is an interesting way to suck the reader in to the topic. However, I believe that your introduction is too short and is missing main points, evidence, or ideas that will back up your main thesis and overall explanation of what will be discussed in this essay. You should include a quick overview of your main points or evidence used to support your thesis, somewhere in the introduction, so that your thesis and topic overview that you put in your introduction wont seem so arbitrary and disconnected. It will help the reader be better prepared for what is in the rest of the essay and have some sort of solid understanding of the arguments and conclusions of this paper before having read the whole paper (thus strengthening your points as further examples and information is provided throughout the essay). Your body paragraphs are well organized and structured, I like how you separate and put the examples sentences in list form separate from the other paragraphs. Numbering the sentence examples and referring to them in your arguments and explanations was also a good idea and made it easier to read and understand corresponding explanations and strengthen your ideas and arguments. As I mentioned in the critique of your outline, the biggest thing that your body paragraphs needs are more proof, evidence, and examples. You need to discuss more about the grammatical implications of the words, such as what type of word it can be used as noun, verb, etc. and why. Or whether there are certain situations it can and cannot be used in and why. You also need to give more examples overall and give a more logical analytical explanations as to why and why not the sentences are grammatical and makes sense. However, overall your ideas, and information given, especially your explanation of why the words came to be used and stopped being used were well explained and interesting explanations were used. In you conclusion I like how you provide your own personal insight and opinions on the topic. The suggestions I have for your conclusion of your final draft are similar to what I advised regarding your introduction. You should provide a statement that gives an overview of your main arguments/evidence regarding how slang words are legitimate words that have specific governing rules and use and etc that also support and tie together to your thesis and main points and ideas. Also I think that it is important that you don’t use the “fart” argument or piece of evidence because we were taught that it is not good to introduce new arguments or evidence at the conclusion of a paper. On the other hand, overall, this is a great start to this paper, and with some work and elbow grease, along with the changes I have recommended, I believe that this paper can be transformed into a fantastic paper that will get a great grade. ...
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