Dave_Barry_s_Grammar - This classic Dave Barry column was...

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This classic Dave Barry column was originally published Sunday, October 27, 1985 Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe? A. The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small- business signs to alert the reader that an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHECK'S, or: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ITEM'S. Another important grammar concept to bear in mind when creating hand-lettered small- business signs is that you should put quotation marks around random words for decoration, as in "TRY" OUR HOT DOG'S, or even TRY "OUR" HOT DOG'S. Dear Mister Language Person: When do you say "who, " and when do you say "whom"? A. You say "who" when you want to find out something, like for example if a friend of yours comes up and says, "You will never guess which of your immediate family members just lost a key limb in a freak Skee-Ball accident, " you would reply: "Who?" You say "whom" when you are in Great Britain or you are angry (as in: "And just WHOM do you think is going to clean up after these otters?").
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