Diane Kim Essay Revision

Diane Kim Essay Revision - (Frank) Xiao Zhu Cynthia Taft...

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(Frank) Xiao Zhu Cynthia Taft 21W.034 Diane Kim Revision and Edits (Great work!) 1. Introduction: Do the first few paragraphs draw you into the narrative essay? Do they point you in the right direction? If not, can you suggest minor revisions or additions that would make the introduction more engaging and effective? The beginning paragraphs really gave a good exposition for the rest of the narrative; however, it personally did not draw me into the essay. They definitely point me in the right directions, as it’s definitely a good exposition. Much of the paragraphs are outright stated instead of giving descriptions in narrative format. 2. Background information (setting and context): What kind of background information does the author provide? Do we know enough to appreciate the narrative? Suggestions for additions or changes? The exposition is good for the rest of the narrative; it gives a good beginning that gives me the right direction for the rest of the story, including her brother’s excitement and the narrator’s reason for helping out with the softball team. The narrator, however, could
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This note was uploaded on 01/05/2012 for the course WRITING 21w.034 taught by Professor Johnsmith during the Fall '11 term at MIT.

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Diane Kim Essay Revision - (Frank) Xiao Zhu Cynthia Taft...

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