In appendix C, it seem the writer was just trying to get through the assignment but sill explain the topic without trying to make it good. For me my view on the writing is ok but did not feel as if the paper had a flow to it. As far as that I think a correction to this paper would have been my transitions from sentence to sentence, as well as the transition from paragraph to paragraph. The writer has a lot of information and supporting sentences its just that I feel like the information is all over the place instead of going from one thing to the next and so on and so on. I would have made an outline to put the information in order in a way that it would flow so my reader's attention would not wonder. Next to make the sentences flow and transition I would have used words like also, in addition, besides that, however, but and so on. I feel these words and phrase could help with the all around flow of the paper. If I was the person writing this paper I would be wanting to
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