sexliesand_convers - Sex Lies and Conversation Why Is It So...

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Sex. Lies and Conversation; Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other? by Deborah Tannen The Washington Post, Jnne 24, 1990 I WAS ADDRESSING a small gathering in a suburban Virginia living room .- a women's group that had invited men to join them. Throughollt the evening, one man had been particularly talkative, frequently offering ideas and anecdotes, while his wife sat silently beside him on the couch. Toward the end of the evening, I commented that women frequently complain that their husbands don't talk to them. This man quickly concurred. He gestlued toward his wife and said, "She's the talker in our family." The room burst into laughter; the mall looked puzzled and hurt. "It's true," he explained. "\Vhen ] come home from work I have nothing 10 say. Ifshe didn't keep the conversation going, we'd spend the whole evening in silence." This episode crystallizes the irony that al!JJ.w.&~.! Illen tend to talk m~an women in pJl!>lic _siluation~ofteJJJll!k. .less. .aLhllllll'- A~this pattern ~~£'9.!!&-havoc with lllalTia~ The pattem was observed by political scientist Andrew Hacker in the late '70s_ Sociologist Catherine Kohler Ricssman reports in her new book "Divorce Talk" that most of the womcn she interviewed n but only II few orthe men -- gave lack ofcommunicati 011 as the reason for their divorces. Given the current divorce ratc of ncarly 50 percent, that amounts to millions of cases in the United States every year u a virtual epidemic of failed conversation. In my own research, c.QmP.1aiJili. .f.r0m WOJl1e~l abo.lliJh~irJl!!~\:HWs.!§. .m9_SJ.Q.n~r.L[9.~1!.~~Q.llQ.tOll.taJlgj_bJe j~.s~~~~_1. .E~~!~!EII1E.~li-an~-lQLlU:Mlli1Q. .~~Qmp.~Dy_,th!!.?~_~!!.9. ..!9 .. ~~i~!_oE_~o)ng (arJIlPre tllan ! l,eirs b i!!JUl.fJieiJ_Y.-lifr~1!P.Q.9.!1.\\'.9!l< Jikl:. ell;ming, J;QQ. kin g,._s.o£i~ljjrr~I!&£!)len ts 'l.11d. .efLam!l.JllsJead, they ro.£~<LQns2_!E!~!"tl~~J!.Q)l: "1:!£.QQ.~:tIil.l~UJQJ!le," "1:!!'._<iQl:.~u1.l<l.l!iJQJJK," I round, as Hacker observed years before, that n:~~~~.~_~~~!!Lthekhll§l>!!. .~~~ be!.D.~~ and fO:~~!~2§ll.fQDy'~I~~'!Ji(mill partllers, but rew husbands share this eXJ?~QIL91~vives_ -- ----- In shorl, the image that best represents the current crisis is the stereotypical cartoon scene ora man silling al the breakfast table with a newspaper held up in front of his face, while a woman glares at the back or it, wanting (0 talk. Linguistic Battle of the Sexes How can women and men have such different impressions of communicatipn in !!1!!!~.8~? \Vhy the widespread imbalance in their interests and expectations? In the April issue or American Psychologist, Stanford University's Eleanor Maccoby repons the results or her owu and others' research sh~gJhllLcltild[t:u~elop_mCllt is most iQ~IUly.!]le social struetur~ o!.,E,cer interactio~. Boys and girls tend to play with chi~drcn oftheir OWE gender, and their sex·separate groups have dirrerent organizational structures and interactive norms.
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sexliesand_convers - Sex Lies and Conversation Why Is It So...

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