CONNIES PEER REVIEW life story

CONNIES PEER REVIEW life story - character making them...

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Blanche Phlaum 11/19/09 Rws 305 Peer Review Connie’s Life Story Profile Peer Review The life story talks about a specific character, a young boy by the name Nicholas who lives in hungry daily. This is important because it informs the reader that our organization helps children with hunger. The story describes the history of how he has struggle through his life in hunger. It is important to have this information to get the reader’s attention. This story makes the read feel as if they can see, hear and feel what is happens that is exactly what you want when telling a life story. This is important in order to get the readers curiosity going. Direct quotes are important in a life story. They are used in the story to help the reader understand that Nicholas was inspired by a young man. It shows the reader a voice of the
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Unformatted text preview: character making them real. The life story does a good job at making its audience feel sympatric. It explains how a young boy had suffered through his life and that through our community garden his future was life changing. However, I think the story still needs some work. The number of children living in poverty needs to be inputted on the first paragraph. Also, I would suggest making the first paragraph the same format as the rest of the paper. The language, tone and vocabulary seem appropriate for the audience. However, I noticed throughout the life story multiple grammatical problems as well as spelling and incomplete sentences. I have marked these problems on the rough draft to give to Connie so she can make the changes to her final draft....
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