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Unformatted text preview: character making them real. The life story does a good job at making its audience feel sympatric. It explains how a young boy had suffered through his life and that through our community garden his future was life changing. However, I think the story still needs some work. The number of children living in poverty needs to be inputted on the first paragraph. Also, I would suggest making the first paragraph the same format as the rest of the paper. The language, tone and vocabulary seem appropriate for the audience. However, I noticed throughout the life story multiple grammatical problems as well as spelling and incomplete sentences. I have marked these problems on the rough draft to give to Connie so she can make the changes to her final draft....
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- Spring '09