Argumentative Essay Workshop

Argumentative Essay Workshop - Sijia Hao English 125...

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Sijia Hao English 125 – Section 99 Professor Short 25 September 2010 Essay Revision – Patrick Firlik’s “Football Playoffs” I thought that your essay was very straight-forward and well laid out. You presented your thesis clearly – college football needs a playoff system – and then you support it well with year-specific evidence where misfortunes and unfairness occurred that could have been prevented by a playoff system. There are definitely a couple places you can improve on that will better your essay, though. I feel like your tone is a bit too casual and conversational. For example, in your third paragraph (on page 2) and fifth paragraph (page 3), among other places, you ask several rhetorical questions that make it sort of sound like you’re whining instead of arguing. A stronger, more decisive voice can help add validity to your argument. Also, I think that some of your sentences are too simple, bordering on the point of choppiness. You can probably condense much of what you say, taking out unnecessary filler words and joining shorter
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This note was uploaded on 01/25/2012 for the course ENGLISH 125 taught by Professor Decourcy during the Fall '09 term at University of Michigan.

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Argumentative Essay Workshop - Sijia Hao English 125...

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