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Definitions Chapter 8, 10, part of 12

Definitions Chapter 8, 10, part of 12 - Chapter 8 Avoiding...

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Chapter 8 Avoiding – A relational stage immediately before terminating in which the partners minimize contact with one another. When stagnation becomes too unpleasant, people in a relationship begin to create distance between each other by avoiding. Bonding – A stage of relational development in which the partners make symbolic public gestures to show that there relationship exists. Bonding usually marks an important turning point in relationships where a public display and declaration of exclusivity make this a critical period in the relationship. Circumscribing – A relational stage in which partners begin to reduce the scope of their contact and commitment to one another. In the circumscribing stage, communication between members decreases in quantity and quality and subtle hints of dissatisfaction grow more evident. Comparison level – The minimum standard of what behavior is acceptable from a relationship partner. If she adopts a ‘nobody’s perfect’ standard, she is more likely to view his behavior as meeting or exceeding her comparison level. Comparison level of alternatives – A comparison between the rewards one is receiving in a present situation and those one could expect to receive in others. If she doesn’t want to be alone, her comparison level of alternatives would be lower than her present situation; but if she is confident that she could find a kinder partner, her comparison level of alternatives would be higher than the status quo. Compliance-gaining strategy – A tactic or plan used to persuade others to think or behave in a desired way. Compliance-gaining strategies can be conscious, such as trying to impress a potential boss by choosing appropriate things to say, or unconscious such as non- verbal expressions of affection. Connection-autonomy dialectic – The tension between the need for integration and the need for independence in a relationship. Even when a loved one is in an extended period of declining health, the connection-autonomy dialectic causes the other person to feel torn between the desire to stay close and the need to let go. Content dimension of a message – A message that communicates information about the subject being discussed. The content dimension of a message can have both verbal and non-verbal statements. Conventionality-uniqueness dialectic – The tension between the need to behave in ways that conform to the expectations of others, and the need to assert one’s individuality by behaving in ways that violate the expectations of others. Dialectical tensions – Relational tensions that arise when two opposing or incompatible forces exist simultaneously We experience dialectical tensions both internally, with regard to our partners, and externally as we, and our relational partners, encounter other people whose desires clash with our own.
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Differentiating – A relational stage in which the partners re-establish their individual identities after having bonded together
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