English Essay 2 Final - Cao 1 Finding Value in Myself...

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Cao 1 Finding Value in Myself Anthony Cao Natalie Bakopoulos English 125, Section 059 1 November 2010
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Cao 2 All I wanted was to hear the simple words, “You are worth it.” Worth someone's time, someone's effort, someone's love. I walked out of the house, shut the door gently behind me, and took a breath. The bitter winter air felt oppressive, and it stabbed me with frigidity. I wanted to escape. I wanted to run from the burning hatred in that house. I wanted to free myself from the feeling of fiery guilt. What if I did more? I could have helped my parents avoid their misunderstanding. It's all my fault. I'm a worthless son. I got into the car, and listened to the soft crunch of snow under its wheels. I drove to the one place I could find solace. * * * Many years earlier, the playground changed me as a person. I can still remember that glorious first hour of recess. My second grade class walked out and was greeted by nothing but bright sun, blue skies, and gentle wind. We all made our way toward the field to play a game of pickup soccer, but the feelings of freedom and joy from stepping out of the classroom quickly faded. Some faces began to show hints of worry. I was one of those kids. I stood there in line with everyone else at recess, waiting to be picked. I saw the two captains scrutinizing us, looking for signs of weakness or incapability. The established jocks were the first to go. Then, the friends of the jocks. After, the quieter but athletic kids. And finally, anyone remaining from biggest to smallest. I was picked last, a tiny little Asian boy with a downcast face. The second grade social ladder was established, and I found myself on the bottom rung. The jeers of the bigger kids at me are still imprinted in my mind, and would serve as a start to my need to establish myself as an individual and not just some tiny kid. Since I clearly was not fit to be the athletic type, I sought to prove myself through other means. I excelled in school and in piano, which earned praise from teachers and students alike, but never seemed to earn me friendship, or satisfy my parents. * * * The sense of confusion and inability to establish myself in my community would
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Cao 3 continue into middle school. Throughout those years, I hardly saw my parents because of their intense work schedules. My mother would work all day and night in the store, and my father would work in the store after he was off work from GM. They would both come home very late each evening, and work long hours even on weekends. One evening, I remember sitting alone with my uncle, who stayed for a little while to cook for me and my brother. After dinner, he left to go work, and my brother stayed out with his friends. I sat alone on the cold couch in silence. It's funny how oppressive a quiet and dark house can be. I thought many things to myself that
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This note was uploaded on 02/16/2012 for the course ENGLISH 125 taught by Professor Decourcy during the Fall '09 term at University of Michigan.

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English Essay 2 Final - Cao 1 Finding Value in Myself...

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