English Essay 2 - Cao 1 Anthony Cao Natalie Bakopoulos...

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Cao 1 Anthony Cao Natalie Bakopoulos English 125, Section 059 22 October 2010 Finding Value in Myself All I wanted was to hear the simple words, “You are worth it.” Worth someone's time, someone's effort, someone's love. I walked out of the house, shut the door gently behind me, and took a breath. The bitter winter air oppressed me and stabbed me with frigidity. I wanted to escape. I wanted to run from the burning hatred in that house. I wanted to free myself from the fiery guilt I felt. What if I did more? I could have helped my parents avoid their misunderstanding. I failed. It's all my fault. I'm a worthless son. I got into the car, and listened to the soft crunch of snow under its wheels. I drove to the one place I could find solace. The playground changed me as a person. It was through this facet of my earlier life as an elementary school student that I developed my obsession to prove myself. The sun was shining, and the faces of the second grade class beamed, some with hints of worry. I was one of those kids. I stood there in line with everyone else at recess, waiting to be picked to be on one soccer team or the other. The established jocks were the first to go. Then, the friends of the jocks. After, the quieter but athletic kids. And finally, anyone remaining from biggest to smallest. I was picked last, a tiny little Asian boy with a downcast face. The second grade social ladder was established, and I found myself on the bottom rung. The jeers of the bigger kids at me are still imprinted in my mind, and would serve as a start to my need to establish myself as an individual and not just some tiny kid. Looking back, it's rather amusing to see how quickly such cliques were established. The “jocks”, because they were the biggest or most athletic kids in elementary school, remained jocks throughout grade school. Since I clearly was not fit to be the athletic type, I sought to prove myself through other means. I excelled in school and in piano, which earned praise from teachers and students alike, but never seemed to earn me friendship, or satisfy my parents. The sense of confusion and inability to establish myself in my community would continue into middle school. Throughout those years, I hardly saw my parents, and I lost the few friends I had. My parents owned a dry cleaner. My mother would work all day in the store, and my father would work in the store after he was off work from GM. They would both come very late each evening, and they would work long hours even on weekends. One evening, I remember sitting alone with my uncle, who stayed for a little while to cook for my me and my brother. After dinner, he left to go work, and my brother stayed out with his friends. I sat alone on the cold couch in silence. It's funny how oppressive a quiet and dark house can be. It was in that moment that I realized how isolated I was. I could finally see my situation for what it was: my parents were too busy to care about what I did in school or outside of
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This note was uploaded on 02/16/2012 for the course ENGLISH 125 taught by Professor Decourcy during the Fall '09 term at University of Michigan.

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English Essay 2 - Cao 1 Anthony Cao Natalie Bakopoulos...

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