responces PG1

responces PG1 - Jessica Gimbel 2/8/11 English 100...

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Jessica Gimbel 2/8/11 English 100 UW-Madison: More than Just a College Overall, I thought your essay had a nice tone and a good theme. I enjoyed that you got personal and let the reader in on a personal issue in your life. The paper started with your decision about college and ended with the same topic, which made its structure clear. The middle of your essay got kind of confusing because you talked about the bucket list and how you wanted to change who you were but you didn’t write anything about how doing tasks on the bucket list helped you to change as a person. You have a really good idea and your topic is very interesting but I think you need to go back and make sure to stay on track and not include any unneeded sentences or random pieces of information that don’t necessarily have anything to do with your topic. For example on page 3 in the last sentence of paragraph 3 you said, “Weather is just there to prove Murphy’s Law”. At some points you said something but didn’t back it up for example
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responces PG1 - Jessica Gimbel 2/8/11 English 100...

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