Flow_Coherence_exercise - can damage houses and endanger...

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Coherence in Writing Following are examples of an incoherent paragraph and a coherent revision of that same paragraph. Incoherent paragraph Snow creates problems for homeowners. Streets need shoveling. Snowplows cannot always access streets. Driveways are hard to clear. Many communities leave the expense of clearing snow up to the homeowner. Building up dangerously high on a roof, it can break roof framing. Snow may seem harmless. It can damage houses. Snow is always potentially hazardous. It can endanger people. Coherent revision Snow creates two problems for homeowners. First , it requires shoveling to keep driveways and streets clear, but snowplows cannot always access them. Furthermore , many communities leave the expense of clearing snow up to the homeowner; thus some homeowners cannot afford the expense of hiring a snowplow. Second , snow may seem harmless, yet it is not. Snow can build up dangerously high on a roof and break roof framing. Always potentially hazardous, snow
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Unformatted text preview: can damage houses and endanger those who live in them. Source from: http://penningtonpublishing.com/blog/grammar_mechanics/ten-tips-to-improving-writing-coherency/ Coherent Practice Task: With a partner, see if you can make the following paragraph more coherent (make it flow better) by using some of the four main cohesive devices (transition words, synonyms, pronouns, repetition of key words). You may rearrange the information or add a phrase when necessary, but try not to change the content of the paragraph. I have a really old car. The fan-belt of my car broke when was on my way home. My friend was having a birthday party. It was 8:00 p.m. last night when it started, but I was too late. Lights were on in a house by the side of the road. I needed to make a phone call so I went to the house. ... To make a long story short, it ended up costing me over $200.00....
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