love - Deindividuation Loss of individuality or...

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Unformatted text preview: Deindividuation Loss of individuality or depersonalization (self awareness) that comes form being in a group If your name is not known, more likely to say what you want Final Breakdown of Percentages: Theft: 48% Academic Dishonesty: 12% Drug Usage: 4% Sexual Activity: 8% Violence and other crimes: 9% Relationship Conflicts: 1% Morally Acceptable: 9% Other: 9% a drug lord/dealer, smoke with Carol Donnelly -Sexual Activity: 21 (Ranging from: Voyeurism, watching Hillary Clinton get screwed by a horse, Cheat on girlfriend/boyfriend, Sex with every pretty girl, Sex with Carol Donnelly, Rape, streak through presidential inauguration speech/at the Grammies/around campus, have (Ranging from: Do nothing different, Be naked 24/7, Prank R.A., scream to release frustration, Time travel, Take last cookie from cookie jar, Base jumping off empire state building, destroy all cigarettes in the world, stay in boyfriend's barracks at West Point, never go to school, Be in a heist with a "monkey" driver.) LOVE Conclusion Living in a great marriage is a lot like raising a great child! Lots of love (warmth) Realistic boundaries 3 Styles of Discipline Authoritarian Parenting Authoritative Parenting Permissive Parenting 2 important variables Control Warmth Authoritarian Parenting A style of parenting that combines: high levels of control low levels of warmth Authoritative Parenting (firm control) moderate control (boundaries w/ consequences) Warmth have highest levels of: self-esteem self control the most competent. Permissive Parenting: A No control NO warmth Permissive Parenting: B No control Warmth Maslow's motivation theory A good relationship.... is the single most important factor in determining satisfaction with: your life & overall happiness Happiest older people... Have a satisfying relationship 1.Proximity Geographical nearness Mere exposure effect #1 predictor for developing relationships First Impressions First impression is neutral or positive.. Then repeated exposure will lead to liking 2.Emotions Conditioning Example: effects Music 3a.Affiliation (traits) Extrovert--high Extrovert affiliation for other people Introvert--low affiliation for other people Introvert **Need to be aware of partner's affiliation style 3.b Affiliation (situations) Some situations bring people together Others make them drift apart (reading embarrassing material) Complementary Schizmogenesis The more you push, the more the other pulls away someone has who is used to standing close a conversation w/ someone who feels more comfortable w/ a larger space first person will keep on moving closer while the second will keep on moving away The Example Woman wanting more emotional intimacy The more she requests it, the more he pulls away Solution: Like let him or her be a dance: relationships come close then move apart 4. Attractiveness 1.Halo effect 2.Matching hypothesis: All things being equal, you tend to marry someone who is similar in level of attractiveness 5. Similarity: Do birds of a feather flock together? do opposites attract? Or Social Validation When it comes to: Values Attitudes Beliefs be birds of a feather When it comes to more superficial things-- opposites can be complementary Will Our Love Last?: A Couple's Road Map [by It's Sam R. Hamburg,2001] all about compatibility especially with values & beliefs best to have a lot of common ground it's 6. Reciprocal Judgment We like those who like us If someone has a crush on you, you'll tend to like them if we: Don't attribute flattery to motives Recently been deprived of approval Others praise reverses earlier criticism 7. Equity A condition in which what people receive from a relationship is proportional to what they contribute to it L O V E: Sternberg INTIMACY PASSION COMMITMENT Passionate love: Super nova An aroused state of intense positive absorption in another, usually at the beginning of love relationship Beginning of a camp fire Falling in Love: Passion Biological Components Passionate love (roller coaster) Phenylethlamine Helen Fischer Dopamine Serotonin high drop Passionate love: 3 things 1.Culture Need to be raised in a culture that teaches it to their young 2. Appropriate Person Need presence of someone you find attractive 3. Two-Factor Theory of Emotion Emotions are diffuse, physiological arousal an arousal to the emotion of love Attributing Breaking Up #1 factor that causes break-ups: things that contributed to initial friendship go away Companionate love The deep affectionate attachment we feel for those with whom our lives are entwined Companionate love is Friendship part: like the steady enduring fire Lasts a life time Passionate love fades or weakens after 2 years that's why a lot of relationships break up after about 2 years realistic expectations is a key to keeping a relationship going takes a little work then having It Have realistic expectations Only in Fairy Tales do: 2 people meet each other in love, get married fall & live happily ever after Weiss: Good couple: 8 positive to 1 negative Bad couple: 1 positive to 1negative = destructive Communication Interpersonal modes: communication has 2 "Verbal Behavior" meaning carried by the words & sentences themselves "Evocative Signals" emotion & non-verbal meanings that are communicated (which are more likely to provoke an emotional response) Good couple learns to Communicate (use +-+) Speak Listen Empathize Self disclosure: revealing intimate aspects of oneself to other Gottman: learn how to argue 4 horseman: predicts divorce Contempt Criticism Defense Stonewalling (don't respect the other) H. Markman: PREP Develop skill when you don't need them so when need them they are there Cowen Having children can temporarily decrease marital satisfaction to keep relationship going at that time Skill 70 percent of all arguments in a relationship or marriage are basically "unsolvable" to live with some of those problems learn `unsolvable' are things like: your family your background your belief -- things that aren't going to change Compromise if you can't do that with someone you're dating or married to... you're definitely in for trouble then Interview both parents in any relationship, there are six people involved -- the two of you & both sets of parents You shouldn't marry someone if you hate 10 things about him but think,... 'Oh, when we're married, I'll be able to change him.` That's not going to happen You never know when someone will: get a chronic illness develop an addiction or encounter millions of other unexpected problems Before getting married.... Know that your partner is NOT perfect sure that you've been through bad times, not just good times serious fights or rough times in the relationship) make (some If a couple has been through hard times & Disagreement Argument & are still together It's a good sign It shows that relationship is strong a good relationship there to help each other during hard times: builds trust laugh with each other during rough times: brings couple a little bit closer See each other at best but also seen each other at most vulnerable or weakest points, too Happiest couples..... Learn (Choose) to focus on others positives 8 to 1 fulfilling prophecy Self Cooley's "Looking Glass Self": the power of social constructions Which of these is not one of the concepts that social psychologists study that affect the formation of a relationship? A. Proximity B. Attractiveness C. Occupation D. Similarity ...
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This note was uploaded on 02/27/2012 for the course PSY 120 taught by Professor Donnely during the Fall '08 term at Purdue University-West Lafayette.

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