A White WomanofColor JULIA ALVAREZ G rowingupintheDominicanRepublic, I experienced racismwithin myownfamily-thoughIdidn'tthinkofitasracism. But there was definitely a hierarchy of beauty,whichwasthemaincurrencyinour daughters-only family.It wasnotuntilyears later, fromthevantage pointof thiscountryandthis education,thatI realizedthatthis hierar- chyofbeautywas dictatedbyour coloring. We were a progressionof whitening,asifmymotherwere slowly bleachingthecoloroutofher children. The oldest sisterhadthedarkest coloring,withvery curly hairand "coarse" features. She lookedthemostlike Papi's side ofthefamilyand was consideredtheleast pretty. I came next,with"good hair,"andskin thatbackthenwas a deep olive, for I was atomboy-anotherdark mark againstme-whowouldnotstayoutofthesun. The sister right afterme hadmyskin color,butshe was a good girlwhostayed indoors, so she wasmuchpaler,herhair a golden brown. Buttheprideandjoyofthe family wasthebaby. She wastheonewhomadeheadsturnand strangers approach asking to feelhersilken hair. She was white white,an adjectivethatwas repeatedindescribinghercolorasifto deepenthe shade of white. Her eyes were brown,butherhair wasanunaccountable towheaded blond. Becauseofhercoloring,myfather was teasedthat theremusthave been a Germanmilkmaninour neighborhood. How couldshebehisdaughter?It was clearthatthis youngest child resembled Marni's sideofthefamily. It was Marni's familywhowerereally white. They were whitein termsofrace,andwhite alsointermsofclass. Fromthemcamethefine features,thepale skin,thelank hair. Her brothersanduncleswentto schools abroadandhadimportantbusinessesinthecountry. They also emulatedthemannersandhabitsofNorthAmericans. Growing up, I re- memberarguments atthesupper tableonwhetherornotitwas proper to tie one'snapkinaroundone's neck,onhowmuchof one'sarmone could properly layonthetable,onwhetherspaghetti could be eaten withthehelp of a spoon. My mother,ofcourse, insistedonalltheproto- colofknivesandforksandoneating a littleportionof everything NovelistandpoetJulia Alvarez wasbornintheDominicanRepublicandemigratedto theUnited Statesatagetenwithherparents. Her work includesthenovelsHow the Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents(1991),In the Timeofthe Butterflies(1994),jYo! (1997), andIn the NameofSalome(2000);twobooks of poems, Homecoming: New and Collected Poems(1996)andThe Other Side(1995);anda collectionofnonfictionessays, Something toDeclare (1998). She teaches literatureandcreativewritingatMiddlebury College. This essay appearedinHalfandHalf:Writerson GrowingUpBiracialandBicultural, editedbyClaudineC.O'Hearn(1998).
