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– How often do we mess up today with
yesterday. Love Language # 1
Words of Affirmation
• HUMBLE WORDS.
– Love makes requests, not demands.
– If we make our desires and needs as requests, we
are giving guidance, not ultimatums.
– When you make demands, you have become not a
lover but a tyrant.
– When you make a request of your spouse, you are
affirming his or her worth or abilities.
– Love is always a choice, that’s what makes it
meaningful. Love Language # 2
• Quality time, the giving of your undivided
attention (not sitting on the couch together
– Sitting on the couch with the TV off, talking.
– Taking a walk together.
– Just the two of you going out together to eat
and talk – difference between single couple
and married couple at a restaurant.
– Giving quality time is giving life, not just time. Love Language # 2
Different aspects of Quality Time
• Togetherness – not just in proximity but
doing something together and giving the
other person our full attention.
• Quality conversation – sympathetic
dialogue where two individuals are sharing
their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and
desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.
• Quality Activities – anything of which both
you and your spouse are interested. Love Language # 3
• Gifts are visual symbols and expressions
• Many individuals did not grow up receiving
gifts and it is not easy to select gifts, but
each of us can learn to be great gift givers.
• Remember you are meeting the emotional
needs of your spouse.
• At the heart of love is the spirit of giving. Love Language # 4
Acts of service
• Acts of service include doing anything you
know your spouse would like you to do
(cooking a meal, vacuuming, washing
dishes, setting the table, cleaning a
commode, getting hairs out of the sink,
removing the white spots from the mirror,
getting bugs off the windshield, mowing
grass, raking leaves, changing water in
the gold fish’s bowl, etc. Love Language # 4
Acts of service
• They require thought, planning, time, effort, and
energy. If they are done with a positive spirit,
they are indeed expressions of love.
• What we do for each other before marriage is no
indication of what we will do after marriage.
Before marriage, we are carried along by the
force of the “in love” obsession, after marriage,
we revert to being the people we were before. Love Language # 4
Acts of service
• Sometimes acts of service are done out of
fear, guilt, or resentment and people feel
like doormats instead of lovers.
• We must not manipulate our spouses by
telling them that if they were a good
spouse, they would do certain things.
That is not love, that is coercion. Love Language # 5
• Physical touch has long been recognized
as a way of communicating emotional
• Babies who are held, hugged, and kissed
develop a healthier emotional life than
those who are left for long periods of time
without physical contact. Love Language # 5
• Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual
intercourse are all ways of communicating
emotional love to one’s spouse. For some it is
their primary love language. Without it, they feel
unloved; with it their emotional tank is filled, and
they feel secure in the love of their spouse.
• Physical love can make or break a relationship.
It can communicate love or hate. LOVE BUSTERS
• Willard Harley presents material in another
book that helps us understand things that
kill a love affair in marriage.
• He presents six things, which if practiced,
will destroy a couple’s opportunity to
develop a close loving relationship. LOVE BUSTERS
• Independent behavior – behavior undertaken
without thought of the other person.
• Angry outbursts – deliberate attempts to hurt
the other because of anger, usually in the form
of verbal or physical attacks.
• Disrespectful judgments: Attempts to change
the other’s attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors by
trying to force his/her way of thinking through
lectures, ridicule, threat, or other means. LOVE BUSTERS
• Annoying behavior – habits and activities
that cause the other to be unhappy.
• Selfish demands – attempts to force the
other to do something with implied threat
of punishment if he/she refuses.
• Dishonesty – failure to reveal to the other
correct information about emotional
reactions, personal history, daily activities,
and plans for the future. SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT HAVING A
GREAT SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP IN
MARRIAGE What research has to say…
1. Reach agreement to/with frequency.
2. Maintain consistency in achieving
3. Maintain/Display a strong emo...
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This document was uploaded on 02/14/2014 for the course BIB 107 at Freed-Hardeman.
- Fall '14