Marriage and the Family

Quality conversation sympathetic dialogue where two

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Unformatted text preview: or wrongdoing. – How often do we mess up today with yesterday. Love Language # 1 Words of Affirmation • HUMBLE WORDS. – Love makes requests, not demands. – If we make our desires and needs as requests, we are giving guidance, not ultimatums. – When you make demands, you have become not a lover but a tyrant. – When you make a request of your spouse, you are affirming his or her worth or abilities. – Love is always a choice, that’s what makes it meaningful. Love Language # 2 Quality Time • Quality time, the giving of your undivided attention (not sitting on the couch together watching TV: – Sitting on the couch with the TV off, talking. – Taking a walk together. – Just the two of you going out together to eat and talk – difference between single couple and married couple at a restaurant. – Giving quality time is giving life, not just time. Love Language # 2 Different aspects of Quality Time • Togetherness – not just in proximity but doing something together and giving the other person our full attention. • Quality conversation – sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. • Quality Activities – anything of which both you and your spouse are interested. Love Language # 3 Receiving Gifts • Gifts are visual symbols and expressions of love. • Many individuals did not grow up receiving gifts and it is not easy to select gifts, but each of us can learn to be great gift givers. • Remember you are meeting the emotional needs of your spouse. • At the heart of love is the spirit of giving. Love Language # 4 Acts of service • Acts of service include doing anything you know your spouse would like you to do (cooking a meal, vacuuming, washing dishes, setting the table, cleaning a commode, getting hairs out of the sink, removing the white spots from the mirror, getting bugs off the windshield, mowing grass, raking leaves, changing water in the gold fish’s bowl, etc. Love Language # 4 Acts of service • They require thought, planning, time, effort, and energy. If they are done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love. • What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage. Before marriage, we are carried along by the force of the “in love” obsession, after marriage, we revert to being the people we were before. Love Language # 4 Acts of service • Sometimes acts of service are done out of fear, guilt, or resentment and people feel like doormats instead of lovers. • We must not manipulate our spouses by telling them that if they were a good spouse, they would do certain things. That is not love, that is coercion. Love Language # 5 Physical Touch • Physical touch has long been recognized as a way of communicating emotional love. • Babies who are held, hugged, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact. Love Language # 5 Physical Touch • Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one’s spouse. For some it is their primary love language. Without it, they feel unloved; with it their emotional tank is filled, and they feel secure in the love of their spouse. • Physical love can make or break a relationship. It can communicate love or hate. LOVE BUSTERS • Willard Harley presents material in another book that helps us understand things that kill a love affair in marriage. • He presents six things, which if practiced, will destroy a couple’s opportunity to develop a close loving relationship. LOVE BUSTERS • Independent behavior – behavior undertaken without thought of the other person. • Angry outbursts – deliberate attempts to hurt the other because of anger, usually in the form of verbal or physical attacks. • Disrespectful judgments: Attempts to change the other’s attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors by trying to force his/her way of thinking through lectures, ridicule, threat, or other means. LOVE BUSTERS • Annoying behavior – habits and activities that cause the other to be unhappy. • Selfish demands – attempts to force the other to do something with implied threat of punishment if he/she refuses. • Dishonesty – failure to reveal to the other correct information about emotional reactions, personal history, daily activities, and plans for the future. SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT HAVING A GREAT SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP IN MARRIAGE What research has to say… 1. Reach agreement to/with frequency. 2. Maintain consistency in achieving orgasm. 3. Maintain/Display a strong emo...
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This document was uploaded on 02/14/2014 for the course BIB 107 at Freed-Hardeman.

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