Marriage and the Family

The in love syndrome she rocks back and forth in her

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Unformatted text preview: havior, withdrawal,, harsh words, and critical spirit occur because of that empty tank? KEEPING THE LOVE TANK FULL • Could it be that with a full love tank couples could create a climate where it is possible not only to discuss differences but to resolve conflicts? • REMEMBER: PEOPLE BEHAVE DIFFERENTLY WHEN THEIR EMOTIONAL “LOVE TANK” IS FULL! THE “IN LOVE” SYNDROME • Meet Janice, 36 years old, never been married but had dated several men through the years (one for six years, another for three years, and several others for shorter periods of time. She by nature was disciplined, conscientious, organized, thoughtful, and caring. • Suddenly out of character, she announces that she is going to be married after dating a guy for only three weeks. THE “IN LOVE” SYNDROME • She rocks back and forth in her chair and giggles as she says, “I know its crazy, but I am so happy. I have never been this happy before.” • This guy is the most wonderful man she has ever met, he is perfect in every way, he will make the ideal husband, she thinks about him night and day. THE “IN LOVE” SYNDROME • When she is reminded about the fact that he has been married twice before, has three children, and has had three jobs in the past year, these are trivial facts. • What has happened to Janice? SHE HAS FALLEN IN LOVE! • She believes this feeling will last forever. THE “IN LOVE” SYNDROME • At its peak, the “in love” experience is euphoric. There is emotional obsession with each other, we go to sleep thinking of one another, when we awake, that person is the first thing on our mind, we long to be together, we hold hands, it seems as if our blood flows together, we could kiss forever, embracing stimulates dreams of marriage and ecstasy. THE “IN LOVE” SYNDROME • Dr. Dorothy Tennov, a psychologist, in studies found that the “in love” phenomenon has an average life span of about 2 years. Eventually, we will descend from the clouds with our eyes opened, and we see the “warts” of the other person that everyone else has already seen. • The little traits that we overlooked when we were “in love” have not become huge mountains. WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF MARRIAGE! THE “IN LOVE” SYNDROME • Dr. Scott Peck, a psychiatrist, concludes that the falling in love experience is not real love for three reasons: – Falling in love is not an act of the will or a conscious choice. – Falling in love is not real love because it is effortless. – One who is “in love” is not genuinely interested in fostering the personal growth of the other person. THE “IN LOVE” SYNDROME • Does this mean that having been tricked into marriage by the illusion of being “in love”, we are now faced with two options: – We are destined to a life of misery with our spouse. – We must jump ship and try again – this is what our society has opted for in many cases. THE “IN LOVE” SYNDROME • Before we jump, we should note that presently 40% of first marriages end in divorce, but 60% of second marriages end in divorce, and 75% of third marriages end in divorce. • Research indicates there is a third and better way: we can recognize the “in love” experience for what it was – a temporary emotional high – and now pursue REAL LOVE with our spouse. • This kind of love requires effort and discipline. Love Language # 1 Words of Affirmation • Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment”. • Six compliments a year would have kept his emotional love tank full! • Proverbs 18:21 – “The tongue has the power of life and death.” • Proverbs 12:25 – “An anxious heart weight a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” • What are words of affirmation? Words that affirm your relationship as important. Love Language # 1 Words of Affirmation • ENCOURAGING WORDS. – To encourage means to “inspire courage”. – We need to remember that life’s deepest meaning is not found in accomplishments, but in relationships. – Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. We must first learn what is important to your spouse. Love Language # 1 Words of Affirmation • ENCOURAGING WORDS. – If you have a pattern of critical and condemning words, this may take a great deal of effort – but it will be well worth the effort. – If encouraging words is not your primary love language this will be difficult to cultivate. Love Language # 1 Words of Affirmation • KIND WORDS. – If we are to communicate live verbally, we must use kind words. – How we say what we say means as much or more as what we say. – “A soft answer turns away wrath.” – We often choose justice over forgiveness and seek to pay our mate back f...
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This document was uploaded on 02/14/2014 for the course BIB 107 at Freed-Hardeman.

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