Marriage and the Family

C an assertive person is usually happier more

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Unformatted text preview: hows that you are interested in what is being said. c. Don’t rush, interrupt, or finish sentences for the speaker. d. Ask questions for more information. Six Hints for great communication 2. Learn good listening skills. e. Paraphrasing is summarizing what the speaker has just said. It is an extremely helpful tool because it: (1) makes you listen carefully. (2) lets the speaker know if the message was communicated correctly. (3) eliminates misunderstanding which can lead to conflict. Six Hints for great communication 3. Learn how to respond effectively a. Be specific in your agreement or disagreement – not general. b. Be descriptive and logical, not emotional. c. Be tactful by trying to say something positive even if you disagree. d. Disagreement is made easier if you explain why you disagree and make sure the speaker knows you are not being personal. Six Hints for great communication 4. Learn to be assertive. a. You have the right and the responsibility to say what you believe, including agreements and disagreements. b. Ignoring your own feelings may avoid an argument, but it means you are not being true to yourself which leaves you feeling angry or manipulated thereby reducing both relationship quality and effectiveness. c. An assertive person is usually happier, more effective, and dependable. Six Hints for great communication 5. Learn to recognize your feelings. a. Be aware of the way you react when you are listening to someone (stomach churning, nose flaring, upset, angry). b. Be able to evaluate your feelings – are they fair, are your emotions interfering with your judgment? c. Know your strengths and weaknesses Six Hints for great communication 6. Practice positive ways of dealing with anger and stress. a. Pay attention to the cues your body gives you to slow down – take a deep breath and think what to say. b. Learn to read between the lines i.e. non verbal communication. Think about the different messages you get when “I’m fine” is said in different ways. - with a smile, cheerful voice. - with clenched teeth. - looking down nose at you - avoiding eye contact by looking away or down. BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. Materialism 10. Critical attitude Fear 11. Preoccupation 12. Dullness 13. Alcohol 14. Dishonesty 15. Manipulation 16. Cultural differences Differences in sex-role learning. Indirect communication Different uses of words inaccurate assumptions selective perceptions Contradictory talk defensive communication Three Levels of the Stress Reaction Three Mother-In-Law Job Noise Events Dog Barking In the environment Kids Potential for Stress My Belief Negative consequences don’t have to come from stressful events Once this appraisal is made Stability and Control Negative consequences come from stressful events Once this appraisal is made Emotional And Physiological Arousal FIVE ILLOGICAL THINKING PATTERNS PATTERNS INFLATED LOGIC – Magnifying problems until INFLATED they are blown out of proportion. they POLAR LOGIC – Seeing situations at the POLAR extremes, good or bad, right or wrong, all or nothing, win or lose, with no middle ground. nothing, CONTAGIOUS LOGIC – Forming a judgment CONTAGIOUS based on a past situation and carrying it over to the present, so we don’’t see the unique t the characteristics of the new situation. characteristics FIVE ILLOGICAL THINKING PATTERNS PATTERNS LEAPING LOGIC – Jumping to conclusions LEAPING based on insufficient information, substituting opinions for facts and believing we have the complete picture. complete FANTASY LOGIC – Expecting the impossible FANTASY from ourselves or others, ignoring clues that our expectations are unrealistic, until we become disappointed and frustrated. How to Escalate a Conflict How Name-calling (describing another person or Name-calling issues as “rigid”, “stupid”). “rigid”, Issue expansion ( pulling in other issues to Issue increase significance of the conflict). increase Coalition Formation (finding other people to Coalition serve as allies to increase power). serve Threatening. Constricting the other person (cutting off Constricting discussion, announcing time limitations, etc. discussion, Personal attack. How to reduce the conflict How Fractionation – breaking the conflict into Fractionation smaller issues one at a time. smaller Asking for more information about the Asking other person’s point of view. other Stating your own position clearly/concisely Compromising – relying on a situation Compromising where everyone loses and gains. where Resist tendencies to criticize, attack, or Resist use emotionally loaded words. use How to maintain the conflict How Striking a bargain. Each side gives Striking something to please the other and maintain the status quo, but the real issue is not resolved. i...
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