Marriage and the Family

Relationship giving in or giving up agreeing so as to

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Unformatted text preview: .e. a married couple living together for the sake of the children. together Combining escalation and reduction Combining tactics. tactics. How to avoid the conflict How Postponement. Arguments and discussions about “how to Arguments proceed in resolving conflict. proceed Resorting to use of formal rules. Pre-cueing – giving prior clues about your Pre-cueing position so the other person knows what to expect. expect. Keeping track of gripes and grievances which Keeping later are dumped on the other. later Coercive, strong-arm tactics – bribes, etc. Refusal to recognize the conflict. Five basic conflict strategies Five 1. FIGHT 1. FIGHT Insisting on your preferred solution, without Insisting regard for your spouse’s preference. regard – Demanding, raising your voice or speaking in an Demanding, irritated tone. irritated – Blaming, accusing, criticizing. – Shouting or using force. – Belittling your mate’’s opinions to minimize their s influence. influence. – Passive-aggression, such as agreeing but not Passive-aggression, following through, sulking, and manipulating by guilt. following * Emotional Results -- Anger Emotional Five basic conflict strategies Five 2. SUBMIT Yielding, lowering your aspirations, settling for Yielding, less than you want in order to keep the relationship. relationship. – Giving in or giving up. – Agreeing so as to end the conflict and keep the Agreeing peace. peace. – Surrendering to what your partner wants at the Surrendering expense of your own preferences. expense * Emotional Results – Depression, feelings of Emotional hopelessness and helplessness; excessive altruism. hopelessness Five basic conflict strategies Five 3. FREEZE Becoming immobilized. – Taking no action, using a wait-and-see Taking approach. approach. – Staying aware of a problem without gathering Staying information or choosing a course of action. information * Emotional results – Anxiety, passivity, Emotional feelings of panic. feelings Five basic conflict strategies Five 4. FLEE Escaping, withdrawing. – Leaving the scene of the conflict physically or Leaving changing the topic. changing – Ceasing to talk or escaping into drugs or other Ceasing distractions. distractions. * Emotional Results – Obsessional thinking, Emotional compulsive behaviors, such as drinking or eating disorders; denial. eating Five basic conflict strategies Five 5. PROBLEM SOLVE Seeking options that satisfy both of you. – Talking, listening, gathering information. – Generating options for mutually satisfying Generating solutions. solutions. * Emotional results – Healthy feelings of wellEmotional being, a strong and loving marriage. STYLES OF DIALOGUE STYLES 1. COLLABORATIVE Goal – shared understanding. Format – Consensus building. Tone – Positive, friendly, productive. Purpose of listening – to hear what is right and Purpose useful in what each speaker says. useful Toxicity – Tact minimizes saying anything that Toxicity might hurt the other. might Attitude toward differences – differences are Attitude treated respectfully, appreciated, and enjoyed. treated STYLES OF DIALOGUE STYLES 2. COMBATIVE Goal – To prove who is right and wrong. Format – Debate, hurtful comments. Tone – Adamant, attempting to persuade. Can Tone become irritable or angry. become Purpose of listening – To defend against Purpose incoming information. incoming Toxicity – Toxic comments are seen as Toxicity legitimate. legitimate. Attitude toward differences – differences are Attitude divisive, leading to arguments. divisive, STYLES OF DIALOGUE STYLES 3. CUTOFF Goal – To avoid conflict, as conflict means unpleasant Goal fighting. fighting. Format – Change the topic away from sensitive areas of Format difference. difference. Tone – Underlying tension; may have false cheeriness to Tone convey that everything is fine, when it isn’t. convey Purpose of listening – listening does not occur, because Purpose neither party has expressed true concerns. neither Toxicity – Criticism is avoided by steering clear of Toxicity controversial topics. controversial Attitude toward differences – differences produce Attitude disengagement, lest discussion of them evoke conflict. disengagement, FIVE FORMS OF VERBAL TRESSPASSING TRESSPASSING Mind Reading – guessing your partner’’s s thoughts. thoughts. – Example – “You think that movie was dumb.” Example “You – Positive alternative – ASK – “Did you think Positive that movie was dumb?” that FIVE FORMS OF VERBAL TRESSPASSING TRESSPASSING Emotion Reading – guessing your Emotion partner’s feelings. partner – Example – “You’re too tired to go out now”; Example “You’re angry. “You’re – Positive alternative – ASK – “Are you...
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This document was uploaded on 02/14/2014 for the course BIB 107 at Freed-Hardeman.

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