For practice complete the style tips handout strong

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contrast: “What is clear is that Smith is agreeing,” and, “Clearly, Smith agrees.” For practice, complete the style tips handout, “Strong Verbs,” on Blackboard under homework/style tips. Then see how many “to be” verbs you can eliminate from your paper. Also, I notice that you used a couple of “fancy” words (erroneous and retrogress) that don’t quite fit your meaning. Perhaps you found these in a thesaurus? If so, beware of using any word from a thesaurus that’s unfamiliar to you. Words often have subtle connotations and if misapplied, scream to your reader, “I’M USING A THESAURUS TO BE FANCY.” Overall, this is another successful paper. Keep up the good work—I look forward to paper 3. A- / 91 Karen The biggest problem I had with this paper was organization. First of all, it was hard to come up with concrete reasons why the advertisement was sexist, and build up entire paragraphs worth of evidence to back up my claims. That is why some of my paragraphs were like “doggie bags” with random information I couldn’t fit anywhere else, because I didn’t have enough material to talk about it for a whole paragraph. I would also repeat my ideas a lot to make it longer, and to try to prove my ideas again and again. Just like my last paper, I had a lot of repetition. To try to make my ideas flow more, I would repeat them, but it only resulted in paragraphs that were too long, sentences that were wordy, and ideas that were talked about too much. I also did notice that I used forms of the verb “to be” too much, which was a problem that even my high school teachers pointed out in my writing. On my next essay (an exercise we used to do in previous english classes) I will point out all the forms of the verb “to be” in my essay and change them into more vivid verbs so the ideas in my paper sound more active and animated. Another problem I noticed in this paper (that hasn’t changed from my last paper) is that I had ostentatious word usage. A lot of times when my paper sounds dull or repetitive, or if I feel like a word is too overused in general, I will look up elaborate synonyms to replace it, but in the end it only makes the paper sound more ridiculous. Instead of using fancy words and adjectives, I could use verbs other than “is” to spice up a paper, taking away any dullness, and any urge for me to break out my thesaurus. However, I do think I made some progress in coming up with ideas, and writing conclusions and relating my topic to society in general. In past essays that I’ve done, I always tried to use the funnel and blow out techniques, making the conclusion paragraphs have absurd connections to society, the solar system, and the universe, etc. But in this paper, I am proud to say that I managed to claim why this PETA advertisement is important while still keeping my writing
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Shenoy down to earth (literally). Even though I had trouble and wasn’t sure how to include the importance of the advertisement in my paper, I was proud of my ending, and was content with the way it turned out, because it was different from other papers that I’ve written.
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