Eye contact shows you are an active listener not too

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Eye contact – shows you are an active listener (not too much cause my make someone feeluncomfortable)-Feedback and paraphrasingmessages impact may not be the same as its intent (feedback toclarify what they are saying) and summarizing what they spoke about so that you are on thesame page, shows you care and you listened-Support communication effortscan be hard work (“I’m gald you told me how you really feel”-Unconditional positive regardcommunicate that you will stick with them and be there forthem and feel the same way no matter that is told (assurance)Asking questions-Discovering what is pleasurable for their partners-“Do you like…” – yes or no (response options are limited for detail)there could be aspect theylike and don’t like (mixed feelings)-Open-ended questions (“What gives you the most pleasure when we are together”)can go onand on about it or get distracted-Either/or questions“would you like to talk now or later?”Eliciting information-Self-disclosureyou need to yourself open up a bit about the topic so that you partner does too(good for sexual satisfaction)-Discuss sexual preferencesgoing out you discuss what food you like, what movie you liked orwhat you didn’t like about it– some couples discuss sex in the same way (some believe it robsthe experimentation phase)
-You don’t want to restrict activities with a different partner because the other may do it betterthan the other-Giving permissionproviding encouragement and reassurances (“I’m really curious to see howyou feel about anal and if you liked it or not”) – showing that you want to hear their input onnegatives and positivesMaking requests-Be specificmore specific, more likely understood and followed through with (“we need tochange our sex life” isn’t clear and may cause stress)-Use “I” languagefocused on your own thoughts and desires “I feel like you don’t give enoughattention to me during foreplay”-“you” language“you don’t seem to like foreplay” – may become defensive (pointing a fingerand blaming their behaviour)Constructive complaint strategies (okay thing to do)-Should be “I” language and respectful-Be aware of your motivationif the motive is to hurt the partner, its best to feel it behindbecause it will be destructive-Choose the right time and placebad when partner is tired/stressed/preoccupied “is now agood time or should we talk later” and then plan a time so that it actually happens-One complaint at a timedon’t bring out a list on complaints because that can beoverwhelming, partner will zone out after number 3, stay focused on one complaint-Include positivesto soften the blow and gives partner more perspective of how to respond(sandwich feedback)-Express emotions appropriatelyespecially negative ones, you don’t want to seem critical and

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Term
Fall
Professor
CarolineF.Pukall
Tags
Human Sexuality, partner, Sexual intercourse, Human sexual behavior

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