ENG101 Argument 1 Teacher Corrections

Because of the accolades that are displayed on the

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because of the accolades that are displayed on the chest of his uniform I’m not sure that starting with a question is the most effective strategy here. The two what? This is one example of a vague description. The viewer can see on the poster that the sailor is standing beside the woman; how he entered is not observable. You can certainly make guesses, but precede them with observations. “The man stands beside the woman. He seems to have entered…” This word usually has a negative connotation. This is an abstract noun. You might just want to say “medals.” You repeat “the woman” and “the man” a lot. You might try varying your references to them and using pronouns. Both of your descriptions, while they have some good detail, are hard to visualize. Your opening sentences in particular are rather vague. I’m not sure if something else was supposed to follow “look” here or if “young” is supposed to go at the end. This seems unrelated to the sentences around it. This is a fragment. It needs a main verb, or it needs to lose “since.” Which poster? . Feelings of optimism reach out to the audience because the man appears to be an average man who just made the right decision for his immediate career with the service. A curious feeling might also arise for the viewer because they may want to see what the submarine service could bring to their life and for their future. The visual detail of the woman’s hands moving toward the pins on the man’s uniform creates the effect of pride and compassion from loved ones supporting his mature decision to become
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something like the All-American and honorable man. The visual detail of the woman holding or embracing the man creates the effect of security and promise.
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A medium perspective is a valuable technique for the Navy recruitment poster, which allows the viewer to connect with the subjects being presented. Since the subjects of the submarine service poster are much closer and visible than the anti-recruitment poster I’m not sure that starting with a question is the most effective strategy here. The two what? This is one example of a vague description. The viewer can see on the poster that the sailor is standing beside the woman; how he entered is not observable. You can certainly make guesses, but precede them with observations. “The man stands beside the woman. He seems to have entered…” This word usually has a negative connotation. This is an abstract noun. You might just want to say “medals.” You repeat “the woman” and “the man” a lot. You might try varying your references to them and using pronouns. Both of your descriptions, while they have some good detail, are hard to visualize. Your opening sentences in particular are rather vague. I’m not sure if something else was supposed to follow “look” here or if “young” is supposed to go at the end. This seems unrelated to the sentences around it. This is a fragment. It needs a main verb, or it needs to lose “since.” Which poster?
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