CLalt – Comparison Level alternatives (expectation levels for alternatives) -- qualities that you would still like for person to have or exude, so you keep an eye out for them in other people while in a relationship with someone else… I believe. Correct me on this if it’s wrong! can someone help explain this :) Relationship A/B: Expect them to stay together and be happy (because their outcomes are greater than CL and CAlt) - relationship B is very dependent because their outcome (current relationship) is higher than their expectations (CL) and their alternatives are below expectations. (There are no better options than their current partner.) Relationship C: Stay together/not happy (they don’t think they can get anything better, but it’s not up to their 13
expectations) Relationship D: Happy/not likely to stay together (they think they can do better) why is relationship A more satisfying than B? <<Because the current relationship exceeds expectations when it comes to the current and alternative relationship. There is less of a dependence there which can lead to more satisfaction Commitment – amount to which you are relying on your relationship. ( SUBJECTIVE experience of dependence) · However, you can be dependent and committed at the same time. · Closeness, attachment, loyalty, obligation, intention to remain, long term orientation. (weddings being referred to as “commitment ceremonies” these days) Investment Model (Rusbult, 1980) · Cost vs. Rewards = Outcomes (How much are your costs, what are your outcomes?) · When our outcomes are better than our expectancies, we stay. If you are happy in a relationship, you stay. · Half of people who are single are not looking for a relationship partner. “no relationship right now is more attractive than their current situation.” “I’m happy being single” · In order for a situation to be detrimental to your relationship, they both have to be available and interested, and more attractive than your current relationship. · Investments – anything that you have put into your relationship (irretrievable resources) o Children, house, $$$ o Joint social networks o Time, emotions · People who have kids, are more likely to have an increased commitment. · Commitment – LEADS TO … o Stay/Leave behavior o Perspective taking o Accommodation (make things easier for them) o Derogation of alternative (don’t go looking for better relationship partners) o Willingness to sacrifice. o Illusions/ perceived relationship superiority. o Fidelity (less likely to cheat on their partner) INTIMACY – the process of developing closeness in a relationship and the feelings associated with that closeness · TWO KEY COMPONENTS o Self – disclosure o Personally relevant and revealing facts, thoughts or feelings. o Non – verbal cues can also convey a great deal in the self – disclosure process § Can be factual (“I’ve had __ sexual partner in my life”) or emotional (“I’ve had a hard time trusting people after my last relationship”) *** Emotional ones may be more important, as they reveal the individual's self-definition (vulnerability = brings us closer b/c we risk rejection) o “36 QUESTIONS IN 45 MINUTES” o Paired students 14
§ Small talk §
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