95 cpbe 2019 complete the column on the right using

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95 © CPBE 2019
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Complete the column on the right using strong verbs to replace the noun phrases. In addition, make any other changes that you feel would make the text more reader- friendly. Using noun phrase Using strong, active verb e.g. We made an application to the Lands Department. We applied to the Lands Department. 1 An announcement has been made by the steering committee that… ………………………………………… 2 A meeting will be held by the Board of Directors on June 4 th . ………………………………………… 3 Prior to the completion of the form you should make a decision whether…. ………………………………………… 4 We made an inquiry about discounts for registered dealers. ………………………………………… 5 The new health care policy will make provision for employees who work part-time. ………………………………………… 6 Would you please provide a description of the problem. ………………………………………… 7 Employers must conduct an investigation of any complaints of sexual harassment. ………………………………………… 8 Please read the attachment and take action immediately. ………………………………………… 96 © CPBE 2019
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Now see what you can do with this example: This proposal provides a brief summary of the strengths and weaknesses of the current website, and goes on to make some suggestions on its enhancement for better provision of service and information throughout the website. ……………………………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………………………………… ……………………………………………………………………………………………… 97 © CPBE 2019
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2 Avoid dummy subjects Try to avoid: It is / was / has been … There is / are / was / were… …unless there is no other way to express yourself. These can easily make your writing less concise and less clear. Example: There are many colleagues who would like to see some changes to the policy. Many colleagues would like to see some changes to the policy . Use the right-hand column to rewrite these, removing the word-clutter. a There were some staff who complained that this was not fair. ………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………… b There are 68% of customers who are highly satisfied with the quality of our services. ………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………… c There will be around 500 people attending this event. ……………………. ………………………………………………………… ……………….…………………… d It is our hope that these steps will benefit everyone. ………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………… e It is requested that all annual leave applications be submitted before Monday 7 May. ………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………… 98 © CPBE 2019
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3 Avoid unnecessary of and that / who / which clutter Similarly, these can often be replaced with a simpler alternative. This can make your language clearer without losing any meaning. Examples: There are many regional managers who are planning to attend the meeting which mn is scheduled for next Friday. Many regional managers plan to attend next Friday’s meeting. The report, which was released recently The recently-released report… Tess Chan will be moving to become head of our Asia-Pacific operations Tess Chan will be moving to become Asia-Pacific Operations Head Now try these: a The system that is most
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