This negative relationship between testosterone and

This negative relationship between testosterone and attachment is also seen
in other creatures. Male cardinals and blue jays flit from one female to the next;
they never stick around to parent their young. These profligate fathers have high
levels of testosterone. Males of species that form monogamous pair-bonds and
remain with this mate to father infants, however, have much lower levels of
testosterone during the parenting phase of the breeding season. 67 And when
scientists surgically pumped testosterone into monogamous male sparrows, these
faithful fathers abandoned their nests, their young, and their “wives” to court
other females. 68
As I have said, the interactions between these chemical systems for lust and
attachment are complex and variable. But there is data to suggest that as people
grow like “two lovely berries moulded on one stem,” the chemistry of
attachment can dampen lust. This is probably why men and women in long
stable marriages tend to spend less time in their bedroom making love.
But what about romance? How does dopamine, the fuel of romantic love,
affect levels of vasopressin and oxytocin, the brain’s intoxicants for attachment?
Do deep feelings of union and attachment enhance or stifle romantic passion?
Romance and Attachment?
Nature isn’t tidy. She likes options. And there is no definite relationship between
the neurotransmitters of romance and the hormones of attachment. As should be
said of all these chemical interactions: it depends.
Under some circumstances, dopamine and norepinephrine can stimulate the
release of oxytocin and vasopressin 69 —and contribute to one’s growing feelings
of attachment. But increasing levels of oxytocin (found in both men and women)
can also interfere with dopamine and norepinephrine pathways in the brain,
decreasing the impact of these excitatory substances. 70 Hence the chemistry of
attachment can quell the chemistry of romance.

There is a great deal of anecdotal evidence for this negative chemical
relationship between attachment and romantic love. People around the world say
the exhilaration of romance wanes as their marriage or partnership becomes
increasingly stable, comfortable, and secure. Some even go to psychiatrists or
marriage counselors to try to renew romantic passion in their relationship. Some
seek romance outside their marriage instead. Some divorce. And many settle into
a long-term partnership devoid of romantic bliss.
I have mixed feelings about this fate nature has decreed. First, many of us
would die of sexual exhaustion if romantic love flourished endlessly in a
relationship. We wouldn’t get to work on time or concentrate on anything except
“him” or “her.” Moreover, as romantic love matures, it often expands into
hundreds of complex and fulfilling feelings of attachment that produce an
enormously intricate, interesting, and emotionally rewarding union with another
living soul.