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depression in adulthood. The study found that childhood life events did not have an effect on the course of anxiety and depression outcome but that childhood traumas were associated with a poorer course outcome of anxiety and depression in adulthood (Hovens, Giltay, Wiersma, Spinhoven, Penninx & Zitman, 2012). The study also found that emotional neglect and psychological abuse in childhood was associated with chronic anxiety and depression (Hovens etal., 2012).
5REFLECTING ON MY DEVELOPMENTOne would think that my life would have greatly improve after my visitations with my mother were stopped and we moved from California to Idaho so that there was no possible way I would have any interactions with any of the people whom had any part in my abuse. However, I went from having a peer status of being a popular child to having a peer status of being a rejectedchild that was bullied by peers almost daily. I do feel that being bullied did have quite an impact on my development that has continued into adulthood. The bullying that I experienced in my childhood likely has influenced my ongoing self-esteem issues as well as my ongoing peer relationship struggles. I am very introverted and also have a very hard time trusting that people are genuine and have good intentions therefore I keep my inner circle small and I do not really desire to form new peer relationships. My lack of trust and struggle to form peer relationships even in my adult years is consistent with a study that was done on the consequences of childhoodbullying and its effects on relationships with young adults. This particular sought to find if the effects of childhood bullying have a lasting impact into the victims adult life more specifically ontheir mental health and relationships. The study found that not only were friendships but also intimate partner relationships were impacted negatively more specifically almost all participants reported having trust issues and keeping people at distances so they could not get hurt (deLara, 2018). What was of the most interest to me about this study is that many of the participants also reported that prior to being bullied they were happy and outgoing however as a result of being bullied they had become to be lonely and feel worthless which some participants had attributed to their engagement and staying destructive relationships as they felt no one else would want them (deLara, 2018). What these participants stated about why the engaged and stayed in destructive relationships really hits close to home for me as I myself engaged and stayed in a very destructive relationship with my children’s father for several years despite the severe
6REFLECTING ON MY DEVELOPMENTphysical and mental abuse that was taking place. I had been rejected by my own mother and many of my peers for the majority of my life and although my father was always supportive, present and loving I wanted to be accepted like everyone else. I feel this desire for being