So when Nikesh refused to release the money Aaron first checked into his belief

So when nikesh refused to release the money aaron

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So when Nikesh refused to release the money, Aaron first checked into his belief and feelings about Nikesh, about the situation, about his dad, about his own past experiences with conflict. This check-in happens in milliseconds. And likely, Aaron is completely oblivious to the fact that this is happening. It seems inconsequential, but it is pivotal to understanding how conflict works. When Aaron did his millisecond check-in, his brain collected the following data: Intellectually, Aaron feels Nikesh is being unreasonable. Aaron noticed that Nikesh's body posture was rigid and unbending. It reminded Aaron of how Nikesh always gets when he becomes stubborn. Aaron feels betrayed by Nikesh. Nikesh knows how important this project is to him. Aaron has always felt that Nikesh is a bit of a "stick in the mud." Now he's kicking himself for agreeing to work on this project with Nikesh. Aaron's family has always dealt with conflict by exploding at each other. This seemed like a reasonable response given the circumstances. REFLECT AND DECONSTR UCT Figure 4: PD7 Unit 01 Reflect and Deconstruct 1 00:49 W E C H E C K I N O N H O W W E F E E L A B O U T T H E O T H E R P E R S O N , A B O U T T H E S I T U A T I O N , A B O U T T H E C O N F L I C T , A N D A B O U T O U R S E L V E S , B E F O R E W E G I V E O U R R E S P O N S E T O T H E O T H E R P A R T Y .
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5 © University of Waterloo and others And finally, Aaron has never really felt successful in the eyes of his dad. Getting this prototype out quickly, and in use, would help him to show his dad what he's capable of. The problem is that Aaron isn't really aware that all of these things are happening in his brain. He is mostly aware that something's going on something that he doesn't like and he reacts. And that reaction generates a set of consequences. Aaron's response, the fact that he explodes, generates a whole list of consequences: 1. True to his history of dealing with conflict, Nikesh turns his back on Aaron and simply ignores him and goes back to work. 2. An icy stillness descends on the two of them. 3. The future of the project is threatened. Of course, Nikesh is going through his own conflict cycle as this situation is going on, checking in with his own beliefs and feelings. All of this is going on, in that time of consequences, and that generates the final line on our graph. Following the consequences that Aaron receives, he checks in with his beliefs and feelings in order to reinforce his existing beliefs and feelings about conflict, about Nikesh, about the situation, and about the project. When Aaron receives Nikesh's response, he very quickly does this check in and as he does that, his beliefs and feelings are reinforced. In other words, Aaron puts Nikesh's response through his existing filters and as he does so, he draws confirming data through those filters, reinforcing his existing beliefs and feelings about Nikesh, about the situation, and about himself. Why is this important? This is important because the conflict cycle model is all about patterning and habits.
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  • Test, Conflict process

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