Worked but not for the purposes intended in fact if

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worked, but not for the purposes intended; in fact, if people were enraged by this ad, it would only result in people not wanting to turn vegetarian. Obviously PETA cares more about equality for animals than equality for women. But how can we equalize humans with other animals, when we can’t even equalize humans as a whole? When PETA can promote veganism but cannot recognize that they are advertising at the expense of womankind, they are losing the audience of people who do realize that what they are projecting is offensive and demeaning. Anderson may not realize what her advertisements are portraying and that her devotion to animal rights does not complement the sexist positions she puts herself in. Anderson is not only putting her own body on display, but she is putting the woman’s body on display in general. If PETA can strongly endorse animal rights and veganism, they need to learn to do so in a way that doesn’t put women in a degrading light. Pam Anderson may think that by using her body to promote vegetarianism is empowering, but unfortunately, she had to objectify her body, compare herself to dead meat, and appeal only to straight males to accomplish this goal. Anderson may think that it is a sad world where a woman isn’t allowed to pose like a piece of meat in a butcher’s shop, but if women want to be judged for their HUMAN qualities, such as their intelligence, work ethic, and devoutness, unfortunately Anderson’s path is not the one to take. Sexism is a serious issue, and PETA’s exploitation of women in their advertisement says a lot about our society today. We might think that women and men have equality, when in fact we live in a patriarchal society where a woman needs to use her body, rather than speaking her mind, in order to convey beliefs that are close to her heart.
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Shenoy Works Cited Eggenberger, Nicole. "Is Pamela Anderson's PETA Poster Sexist? | OK! Magazine." OK! Magazine . OK! Magazine, 15 July 2010. Web. 27 Oct. 2012. <http://www.okmagazine.com/news/pamela-andersons-peta-poster-sexist>. Tuttle, Lisa. Encyclopedia of Feminism . New York, NY: Facts on File Publications, 1986. Print.
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Shenoy
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Shenoy Mithali, Good job revising! You’ve sorted out your main claims into paragraphs with strong topic sentences and you’ve created a solid conclusion. As a result, your paper is logically organized and compelling. Here are my suggestions for your future writing. Most importantly, eliminate repetition. Keep your argument moving steadily forward by resisting the urge to restate your claims, which are clear enough that they only need to be stated once. I’ve noted some examples in the margins. For practice, see how many more examples you can find. For extra practice, go back to paper 1 and prune out repetition there too. On the level of style, I notice that you use many forms of the verb “to be,” which is a snooze as far as verbs go (see examples in red on p 1). Whenever possible, replace “to be” with a more descriptive, colorful verb. This will give your voice a stronger impact. Eliminating forms of “to be” can also streamline your sentences, creating a more concise, smoother flow. For example contrast: “What is clear is that Smith is agreeing,” and, “Clearly, Smith agrees.”
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